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We recently received a VERY SPECIAL GIFT from “K.S.”. This individual is clearly extremely offended by our most popular column. Part of K.S.’s gift said, “…on a quest to find Brian in person.”
The gift could almost be considered threatening…if it wasn’t so incredibly idiotic. We can’t believe K.S. spent so much effort creating this gift to try to make us upset…when all it did was make us all bust a gut laughing. Some people have WAY too much time on their hands.
So, we decided to dedicate this installment of our most popular column is dedicated to K.S. (with a little dash of garlic!)
We’ve received so many gems lately that we had to run two installments of our most popular series this month!
Yes, it’s time once again to tickle our readers’ funny bones, and ruffle some snowflake feathers! If you want a road map of how to NEVER land a paid writing job, you’ve come to the right place! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.
Get ready to be shocked and amazed!
I’m intrigued to compose articles on installment. Kindly make sense of about the methodology and fields.
– Well, “methodology” is the way people do things, and “fields” are large, clear outdoor areas without trees. Hope this helps.
Composing is my asylum, where I track down freedom and express my feelings. It’s a rollercoaster of ups and downs, however it engages me. Sharing my words interfaces me with others, leaving an enduring effect. Composing isn’t simply an expertise; it’s a piece of who I’m — a wonderful excursion of self-disclosure and association.
– I have to be honest, while reading your email, I feel like I’m in an asylum as well.
i have read, understand and ready to serve and abide.
– GREAT! I’ll have a plate of wings and a beer, please.
I write on my own I put my knowledge and mind to writing and even to framing sentences. So, can I get a chance to to get paid for my writing work through writers weekly ? please do respond and also guide me through I am very new to all this . Just want to follow my interest of reading & writing for making some money too.
– Gee, while you’re busy putting your mind to framing sentences, do you think you could install some correct punctuation and properly placed capital letters??
I wanna submit articles how can i?
– By not using “wanna” and by capitalizing your “i”s
Declan Rice debuts as Arsenal ease past MLS All-Stars in D.C.
– I have zero idea what you’re talking about, but I’m pretty certain it doesn’t fit our subject matter or format.
Am a good writer that u wont get disappointed
– Too Late.
Id like to articles on you’re platform
– To articles?? Did you mean two? You’re in luck! We have LOTS of articles on this platform!
I hope I start soon
– Ready … Set … GO!!
Would like to submit article on “Why women have a hard time losing weight?”.
– Fat chance.
how many days will I get the response?
– One day. No.
do you accept the writters none american
– We sure do…as long as the readers American can understand their writing.
I hope you accept me. Thank you very much
– I DO accept you! Just as you are! Now GO…be all you can be knowing that you are accepted!
I am ready to put my Articles here so that I get paid through Paypal. And I am confident in the work that I prepare. Now I am living in (removed), Is there anything that I should have to know to do so that I can do all as you wish as you like?
– You should know how to do a little research on your own. Click on the link that says “Write For Us,” and follow the instructions. Then, you can do all as I wish as I like…whatever that means.
I hope i’ll be able to write articles for your website. Thanks!
– I hope you find our guidelines and read them someday.
I want to become a article writing for your costume.
– We’d love to have you, but we’re fresh out of article costumes, and they aren’t very easy to write in.
I am looking for bloogers who will help me write articles on the ongoing scholarships in Australia, newzeland, USA and the u.k
This is an example of why you should “ALWAYS proofread and edit your work, especially when submitting a “paying market” posting to WritersWeekly. We don’t even know what a “blooger” is. But, if y’all know any, tell them there’s a job opening!
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.
Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂
- We Received the WORLD’S WORST Whiny Comment … and We’re Sharing It With YOU! – by Brian Whiddon
- Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
- AUTHORS: Take Some Advice from a Do-It-Yourselfer… Know What You CAN’T Do Yourself – by Brian Whiddon
- If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
- Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
- More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk
HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT SELF-PUBLISHING A BOOK?
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Brian Whiddon is the Managing Editor of WritersWeekly.com and the Operations Manager at BookLocker.com. An Army vet and former police officer, Brian is the author of Blue Lives Matter: The Heart behind the Badge. He's an avid sailor, having lived and worked aboard his 36-foot sailboat, the “Floggin’ Molly” for 9 years after finding her abandoned in a boat yard and re-building her himself. Now, in northern Georgia, when not working on WritersWeekly and BookLocker, he divides his off-time between hiking, hunting, and farming.
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