World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For April, 2019!

World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For April, 2019!

Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes. And, of course, I save the best one for last!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

IF YOUR QUERY LETTER IS ONLY SIX WORDS, NOT MUCH!

What is probability of my acceptance??

IF YOU CAN’T SPELL THE PUBLICATION’S NAME RIGHT, NOR RESEARCH WHAT THEY PUBLISH, NOR USE CORRECT PUNCTUATION, YOU’RE WASTING THE EDITOR’S TIME…AND YOURS.

I am an undergraduate student,pursuingagricutural economics. I have been into article writing for 2 years now. I write social intelligence and business intelligence. I would like to know if Wrters Weekly can consider my articles for publication.

I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!

Subject: QUERRY LETTER
Legitimate money making website that make you money in your niche – get around being fooled and fooling yourself in research writing.

SO, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOU WANT ME TO WRITE THE ARTICLE THAT YOU WANT TO SELL TO ME?

Please send me a cope of article that you need i want to see how is looklike please

SPACES, PERIODS, AND CORRECT SPELLING ARE A WRITER’S FRIEND! (AND, SO IS RESEARCHING A MARKET BEFORE QUERYING.)

Am a free lance writer currently working on a story”(title removed)” the story is abov a young girl going against all odds to chieve what she feels is better for her.

I BEG TO DIFFER…

My name is (removed)
I am a article writer

IS JION A KARATE MOVE? OR A FOOD ADDITIVE? OR SOME KIND OF SPORT?

Hi good day sir or madam my name is (removed) I would too Jion you.guys

WE HIRE PROFESSIONAL WRITERS. WE DON’T TEACH WRITING CLASSES.

Hi! I was thinking of writing an article, but don’t know how to. I’ve already read the guidelines. Now how do I write my article?

I CAN’T QUITE PUT MY FINGER ON IT BUT…SOMETHING TELLS ME YOU DON’T.

hello my name is (removed) i write good articles

THAT’S A PRETTY IMPRESSIVE RUN-ON SENTENCE!

Kindly find attached copy for wrting an article on marketing ideas of an article please reply soon

IF YOU READ THE “INSTRUCTIONS” (THE WRITER’S GUIDELINES), YOU’D KNOW THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION. 

how do i get the job after reading all these instructions

WORLD RECORD FOR SHORTEST QUERY LETTER?

i want to write articles

WHY WOULD ANY PROFESSIONAL WRITER GIVE AWAY ARTICLES IN THIS MANNER? THIS IS EXTREMELY UNPROFESSIONAL.

I’m a blogger and an avid reader of Writersweekly, I was following your website for long because I like to read your articles. So, I just want to write a non-promotional article on your website. You can publish under your name if you’d like.

I’M SPEECHLESS ABOUT THIS EMAIL EXCHANGE:

Writer: I am interested in writing articles for Writers Weekly

WritersWeekly’s Managing Editor: Please read our guidelines:
https://writersweekly.com/writersweekly-com-writers-guidelines

Writer: I want to talk to an expert

WHILE I MAY BE SNARKY IN THIS COLUMN, I NEVER “INSULT” WRITERS WHEN RESPONDING TO QUERY LETTERS.

I have experience in writing articles and it would be a special way and pleasure if I can be a part of your team. If you are interested in cooperation, I can send you some of my articles so that I can better understand what exactly works and what you can insult me. 

RESEARCH THE PUBLICATION, AND NEVER SUBMIT AN ATTACHMENT WITHOUT REQUESTING PERMISSION FIRST. 

Hello!
please look at the article in attachment
is it possible to publish and where it will be publish and cost?

NEVER SUBMIT SCREENSHOTS IN LIEU OF A REAL MANUSCRIPT AND…YUCK!!!

An “author” submitted 3 paragraphs of a book from a Facebook screenshot. Classy. And, it was erotica about “pee and poopoo.” NO THANKS!!!

WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD WRITERSWEEKLY BE INTERESTED IN THIS ARTICLE?

Here is an article in detail about “What is the test tube baby and how it can be a major breakthrough in medical science?”

IN RESPONSE TO A REJECTION LETTER WHERE I HAD TO TELL THE AUTHOR HIS BOOK MANUSCRIPT CONTAINED LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF ERRORS:

Truly u may be reading it wrong a bit. Its a narrative book. And my claim to fame and fortune. Help me help you

I know it has errors but the message is sound. I want to sell the manuscript down the middle. I want rights etc to be split down the middle. This book is worth way more than just errors can fix. Look at it and dictate film or legacy. I talk better in explaining this book. And I can very well talk it through to u. More like a giant web of understanding. Contact me (phone number removed) or just email me. But talk are better. Look it over. Look beyond errors and see the mysteries unfold. Im here anyday to respond

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂

RELATED

Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.



Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.

About The Author

AngelaPortrait72dpismall_400x400

Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).

Angela lives on a 52' Irwin Center Cockpit Ketch (sailboat) with her family and pets. Keep up with her family's adventurous liveaboard lifestyle at GotNoTanLines.com

WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.

BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."

Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.

PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!

Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.

Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)


See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.


ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy


BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
https://www.facebook.com/booklockerbooks


ANGELA ON FACEBOOK
https://www.facebook.com/angela.hoy.750


ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
https://www.linkedin.com/pub/angela-hoy/78/719/390


Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
https://24hourshortstorycontest.com/



Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE

 



90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy



Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.

We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!

Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor, which makes it fun for creative folks like you!

Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!

 

How Many Copies Of Your Book Would You Have To Sell In Order To Break Even?




 



The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication


Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.







http://writersweekly.com/books/4693.html



10 Responses to "World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For April, 2019!"

  1. Pingback: World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For June, 2019! | WritersWeekly.com

  2. Pingback: Q – “i keep sending out queries but nobody responds what am i doing wrong” (sic, sic, sic…) | WritersWeekly.com

  3. Pingback: What Our Readers Said About: “A radio talk show host saw my book and wants to interview me. Should I be leery?” | WritersWeekly.com

  4. Glenna Murdock  April 24, 2019 at 11:56 am

    My take on these queries, first of all, is that they seem to be written by persons whose first language is not English. They remind me of the impossible-to-decipher assembly directions that come with products manufactured in China. OK, so I can give them a pass on English usage but the mystery for me is why would anyone want to write for a market that is 100% in a language for which they have little or no proficiency? That is like my thinking I have valuable info to share with readers who speak only Farsi. I don’t speak a word of Farsi but with a crash course I’m sure I can learn enough to enable me to write absolutely scintillating articles to inform the masses. Not! There seem to be a lot of big egos involved, too…but perhaps that’s another story. Having said all that, I get a weird, head-shaking kind of pleasure from reading these awful queries. Thank you!

  5. Seamus OBrog  April 22, 2019 at 10:12 am

    At 4AM with a tall glass of brandy, World’s Worst Query Letters is often the best part of that day.

  6. Pamela Allegretto  April 20, 2019 at 12:24 pm

    As always, an entertaining read.

  7. Valery Larson  April 20, 2019 at 11:37 am

    Hi Angela,

    Wow, those statements by the various “authors” are astounding. It’s a journey for all of us and if we assume we have the next best seller or that we don’t have to do our part in helping the editor, it will be a tough row to hoe for that author or writer. As an illustrator, I’ve had a lot of frustration with authors who want to hire me and pay me after the book is published, when their little amazing gem is making it’s millions. As a writer, I’ve had to keep learning and embrace the hard work. It’s kind of like being a gardener, one has to keep weeding out what doesn’t belong. Thank you for sharing this and other posts. They give me hope for my writing.

  8. Doug  April 20, 2019 at 7:45 am

    This feature never fails to inspire me in my own writing, when I feel doubts crowding my confidence.

    Thank you.
    Doug

  9. joe sixpak  April 19, 2019 at 10:41 pm

    Do you really respond to everybody ? I hope you at least just use a form letter. Perhaps suggesting they try another publication that you do not like:)

    • By Angela Hoy - Publisher of WritersWeekly.com  April 20, 2019 at 4:53 pm

      Yes, we respond to all of them. 🙂

      Angela

      P.S. Very funny about referring them to our competitors! 😉