World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For June, 2019!

World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For June, 2019!

Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes. And, of course, I save the best one for last!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

FIRST, YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDN’T READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES. SECOND, I AM NOT INTERESTED IN BEING COMPOST FOR YOUR GARDEN.

I want to till you that I wrote articles. Could you mind buying them ?

THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT THE WAY TO APPROACH A BOOK PUBLISHER.

All I want is free cover design/publishing and marketing of my attached book in prints and distributed globally on Abuzz Press platforms.

GIFTED IN HIGH DOMAIN, EH? I DON’T THINK SO…

I am very interested in writing of articles because i am a gifted writer in high domain, i am a well experienced writer of poems, novels, stories, articles and survey i have written some articles, poems and and stories i have 3 poems, stories and articles to sell to you i want to send them to you. so i can i send them to you by email? just mail me back.

NEVER TELL AN EDITOR YOU CAN WRITE ON ANY TOPIC. THEY WILL NOT BELIEVE YOU. 

I want to write articles for you. I am expert in fiction but if you direct me to write upon a specific topic, I am there for you.

WELL, ARTICLES WITH CORRECT SPELLING WOULD BE A GOOD START!

What are the areas in which articles are prefered?

LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO WRITE ARTICLES BUT CAN YOU READ AND FOLLOW A PUBLICATION’S WRITER’S GUIDELINES? CAN YOU ALSO RESEARCH A PUBLICATION TO SEE WHAT TOPICS THEY COVER? FINALLY, PROFESSIONAL WRITERS USE CORRECT GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION, AND NEVER OFFER TO WRITE FOR FREE. 

I am willing to write articles. we can write more appropriate content, for example as drug is bad All I would ask for is attribution at the end of the post (with a do-follow link back to our website). Here are some great blogs I have for your website: Advantages of Steel Structures, 7 DIY Home Décor Ideas, How to give Best Interior Design to Your Living Home, 5 Helpful Tips in Garden Maintenance, 5 Usage of Garages, 7 Most Expensive Cars in the World, Accessories Should Have While Purchasing New Car, How Boat Carports can be Beneficial?

WHEN IT’S ALL ABOUT WHEN AND HOW YOU’LL GET PAID, BUT NOTHING AT ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU’LL WRITE, EDITORS WILL DELETE YOUR EMAIL. 

I wanna write a blog for your website so that you can pay to me regarding that ??? what will be the procedure for it ?? how much i can earn and in how many days you will send me payment if im successful ?? in how many days you will respond to me that you have liked my article and will pay for it ??

I DON’T KNOW. CAN YOU?

Can I get a content?

WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD A PUBLICATION THAT COVERS WRITING AND PUBLISHING BE INTERESTED IN THIS TOPIC?!

I wrote an article about dreams and I would like to have it published. How to proceed?

THAT’S GREAT! CONGRATULATIONS! BUT…WHY ARE YOU CONTACTING ME?

I am a student.

FIRST, WE ARE NOT INTERESTED IN PUBLISHING ARTICLES BY WRITERS WHO DON’T “NO ENGLISH.” SECOND, THE U.S. HAS VERY STRICT LAWS WITH REGARDS TO DOING BUSINESS WITH PEOPLE LOCATED IN IRAN. 

I don’t no English. I am come from Afghanistan and living in Iran.

IF YOU CAN’T SPELL WRITER, YOU AREN’T ONE.

Subject line:
How to write a better book

First four words
As a book writter

UM, WHAT???

Kindly guide me through the procedure of getting associate with you.

AFTER A GIGGLE, I CLICKED THE DELETE BUTTON. 

i want to give you a article to be submitted on writerweekly and get paid for it.. It’s called  Home Remedies to Treat Bacterial Vaginosis

IF YOU BOTHERED TO READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES, YOU’D KNOW. 

What are the articles going to be about

I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO RESPOND SO I DELETED THE EMAIL INSTEAD. 

I have no any question or comment i undestand all.

FIRST, SOMEBODY WANTS TO TILL ME, AND NOW SOMEONE ELSE WANTS TO CUT ME? MY SNARKY COMMENTS MIGHT BE DIFFICULT TO SWALLOW SOMETIMES BUT COME ON!

I just want the oportunity to write artivles for you, and start to earn some money, cut you send me a few steps to start

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂

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6 Responses to "World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For June, 2019!"

  1. Dennis Clark  June 15, 2019 at 11:17 am

    Laughing out loud! What a great way to start out a Saturday morning. Thanks for all you do, Brian.

  2. Nirmala McAfee  June 14, 2019 at 3:34 pm

    It takes a lot of patience to weed through those letters, huh?

  3. Pamela Allegretto  June 14, 2019 at 1:58 pm

    It’s bad luck for you to have to wade through all of these, but it’s good luck for us to get to read them and have a much-needed laugh. Cheers!

  4. Robert L. Hazlett  June 14, 2019 at 8:28 am

    Your “Worst Query Letters” column tickles me. Thanks for taking the time to prepare it. I gave myself a chuckle visualizing a dozen or so of these ‘writers’ sitting around holding a seminar on writing. Then I thought “How would I ever write the dialogue?”

  5. Barry Knister  June 13, 2019 at 2:39 pm

    This is fun up to a point, but queries that fail for less obvious reasons would be more useful, queries that fall short, but were written by people who aren’t in institutions or refugee camps.

    • Brian Whiddon - Managing Editor  June 14, 2019 at 10:40 am

      You have a point, Barry. But that’s why we call this “World’s WORST” Query letters, and not “Query Letters That Didn’t Quite Make The Cut.”

      As the guy who sorts through all of these, I can tell you that the ones that don’t quite make it are really not that exciting. Top few reasons for rejections are:
      1) Having too many spelling or grammatical errors in the query letter.
      2) Offering a topic that has been written on ad nauseum (Such as “Freelance Writing Requires Hard Work – It’s Not Just Sitting Around Writing And Collecting Money”)
      3) Offering an article on a subject – no matter how well written – on something that doesn’t fit WritersWeekly’s basic format. (If I get another query from someone offering us an article on Crypto-Currency, I swear I’m going to hang myself from the mizzen mast halyard.)
      4) Offering a How-To on becoming a successful freelance writer when it’s obvious that the writer just started writing professionally six months ago.