Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes. And, of course, I save the best one for last!
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.
FIRST, YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDN’T READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES. SECOND, I AM NOT INTERESTED IN BEING COMPOST FOR YOUR GARDEN.
I want to till you that I wrote articles. Could you mind buying them ?
THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT THE WAY TO APPROACH A BOOK PUBLISHER.
All I want is free cover design/publishing and marketing of my attached book in prints and distributed globally on Abuzz Press platforms.
GIFTED IN HIGH DOMAIN, EH? I DON’T THINK SO…
I am very interested in writing of articles because i am a gifted writer in high domain, i am a well experienced writer of poems, novels, stories, articles and survey i have written some articles, poems and and stories i have 3 poems, stories and articles to sell to you i want to send them to you. so i can i send them to you by email? just mail me back.
NEVER TELL AN EDITOR YOU CAN WRITE ON ANY TOPIC. THEY WILL NOT BELIEVE YOU.
I want to write articles for you. I am expert in fiction but if you direct me to write upon a specific topic, I am there for you.
WELL, ARTICLES WITH CORRECT SPELLING WOULD BE A GOOD START!
What are the areas in which articles are prefered?
LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO WRITE ARTICLES BUT CAN YOU READ AND FOLLOW A PUBLICATION’S WRITER’S GUIDELINES? CAN YOU ALSO RESEARCH A PUBLICATION TO SEE WHAT TOPICS THEY COVER? FINALLY, PROFESSIONAL WRITERS USE CORRECT GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION, AND NEVER OFFER TO WRITE FOR FREE.
I am willing to write articles. we can write more appropriate content, for example as drug is bad All I would ask for is attribution at the end of the post (with a do-follow link back to our website). Here are some great blogs I have for your website: Advantages of Steel Structures, 7 DIY Home Décor Ideas, How to give Best Interior Design to Your Living Home, 5 Helpful Tips in Garden Maintenance, 5 Usage of Garages, 7 Most Expensive Cars in the World, Accessories Should Have While Purchasing New Car, How Boat Carports can be Beneficial?
WHEN IT’S ALL ABOUT WHEN AND HOW YOU’LL GET PAID, BUT NOTHING AT ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU’LL WRITE, EDITORS WILL DELETE YOUR EMAIL.
I wanna write a blog for your website so that you can pay to me regarding that ??? what will be the procedure for it ?? how much i can earn and in how many days you will send me payment if im successful ?? in how many days you will respond to me that you have liked my article and will pay for it ??
I DON’T KNOW. CAN YOU?
Can I get a content?
WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD A PUBLICATION THAT COVERS WRITING AND PUBLISHING BE INTERESTED IN THIS TOPIC?!
I wrote an article about dreams and I would like to have it published. How to proceed?
THAT’S GREAT! CONGRATULATIONS! BUT…WHY ARE YOU CONTACTING ME?
I am a student.
FIRST, WE ARE NOT INTERESTED IN PUBLISHING ARTICLES BY WRITERS WHO DON’T “NO ENGLISH.” SECOND, THE U.S. HAS VERY STRICT LAWS WITH REGARDS TO DOING BUSINESS WITH PEOPLE LOCATED IN IRAN.
I don’t no English. I am come from Afghanistan and living in Iran.
IF YOU CAN’T SPELL WRITER, YOU AREN’T ONE.
How to write a better book
First four words
As a book writter
Kindly guide me through the procedure of getting associate with you.
AFTER A GIGGLE, I CLICKED THE DELETE BUTTON.
i want to give you a article to be submitted on writerweekly and get paid for it.. It’s called Home Remedies to Treat Bacterial Vaginosis
IF YOU BOTHERED TO READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES, YOU’D KNOW.
What are the articles going to be about
I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO RESPOND SO I DELETED THE EMAIL INSTEAD.
I have no any question or comment i undestand all.
FIRST, SOMEBODY WANTS TO TILL ME, AND NOW SOMEONE ELSE WANTS TO CUT ME? MY SNARKY COMMENTS MIGHT BE DIFFICULT TO SWALLOW SOMETIMES BUT COME ON!
I just want the oportunity to write artivles for you, and start to earn some money, cut you send me a few steps to start
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.
Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂
- Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
- Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
- Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
- If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
- Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
- More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk
Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.
Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.
About The Author
Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).
Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.
WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.
BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."
Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.
PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!
Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.
Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)
See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.
ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy
BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
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ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE
90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy
Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.
We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!
Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor, which makes it fun for creative folks like you!
Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!
The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication
Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.
Laughing out loud! What a great way to start out a Saturday morning. Thanks for all you do, Brian.
It takes a lot of patience to weed through those letters, huh?
It’s bad luck for you to have to wade through all of these, but it’s good luck for us to get to read them and have a much-needed laugh. Cheers!
Your “Worst Query Letters” column tickles me. Thanks for taking the time to prepare it. I gave myself a chuckle visualizing a dozen or so of these ‘writers’ sitting around holding a seminar on writing. Then I thought “How would I ever write the dialogue?”
This is fun up to a point, but queries that fail for less obvious reasons would be more useful, queries that fall short, but were written by people who aren’t in institutions or refugee camps.
You have a point, Barry. But that’s why we call this “World’s WORST” Query letters, and not “Query Letters That Didn’t Quite Make The Cut.”
As the guy who sorts through all of these, I can tell you that the ones that don’t quite make it are really not that exciting. Top few reasons for rejections are:
1) Having too many spelling or grammatical errors in the query letter.
2) Offering a topic that has been written on ad nauseum (Such as “Freelance Writing Requires Hard Work – It’s Not Just Sitting Around Writing And Collecting Money”)
3) Offering an article on a subject – no matter how well written – on something that doesn’t fit WritersWeekly’s basic format. (If I get another query from someone offering us an article on Crypto-Currency, I swear I’m going to hang myself from the mizzen mast halyard.)
4) Offering a How-To on becoming a successful freelance writer when it’s obvious that the writer just started writing professionally six months ago.