World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For February, 2019!

World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For February, 2019!

Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?!?!

How I wish I have magic, the first situation I will like to change is my position as a writer. I will command editors, publishers to accept my write ups for publication. I have been writing for more than Six years and I cant boost of making a single penny from it. There were times I got discouraged, frustrated and tired that I made up my mind to get my ass away from writing because, It not working for me I have written all I can, query and pitch editors and yet nothing has happen.

IF YOU WANT TO WRITE FOR ENGLISH-LANGUAGE PUBLICATIONS, READ THIS BEFORE QUERYING!

I have been writing content for SEO project since 2010. Now my turn to contribute for your famous site

SYMPATHY PITCHING (TO SAY NOTHING OF THE TYPOS) IS ALWAYS A VERY BAD IDEA

hai
hello,
my name is (removed). i hate articles. No one article give the better job for me. i had experience of ugly termination from companies. so, i had a extreme of failure feel with me. i want to change this feel as fire , it could burn all nagetive thought who are all read my articles. so, i have an doubts about this. just help me.

THIS WRITER CLEARLY DID NOT READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES. THE LINK IS AT THE TOP OF EVERY SINGLE PAGE ON OUR WEBSITE.

Hello, I just wrote a great guide on make money with writing, I took a lot of time to satisfy you, here is the great article in .doc format. If you enjoys, my Paypal email is (removed).

THIS PERSON ALSO DID NOT READ OUR GUIDELINES. WE DO NOT ACCEPT ARTICLES ON SPEC.

Submitted with on-spec article: I took a lot of time to satisfy you

NO, WE DO NOT “BY” ARTICLES FROM WRITERS WHO SUBMIT QUERIES WITH MISSPELLED WORDS, AND WHO DON’T  FOLLOW OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES.

Do you by manuscripts? Because I have some ready.

IF YOU CAN’T SPELL “ARTICLE” OR “WRITER,” THINGS AREN’T GOING TO WORK OUT BETWEEN US.

i am a blogger and contend writter. for the past 5 years i have been working in fiver.com in freelancing articlae writter.

I WOULD BE HAPPY IF YOU WOULD READ OUR GUIDELINES, AND SUBMIT AN ACTUAL QUERY LETTER.

I would be happy to provide you with good quality articles that are relevant to your website.

THIS IS A VALIANT EFFORT, AND WELL-WRITTEN FOR A YOUNG PERSON. HOWEVER, SHE NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO RESEARCH A PUBLICATION’S WRITER’S GUIDELINES BEFORE CONTACTING THEM.

I would like to write for you. I’m a recent high school graduate with a passion for stringing words together and a skill of getting people to listen and understand what I say. I want nothing more than for people to read my work and become inspired to do something different with their lives.

WHY WOULD A PUBLICATION FOR WRITERS AND AUTHORS BE INTERESTED IN THESE TOPICS?

My website will include a writing that I typed up on marriage and relationships. I did not go as in depth as I wanted to. But, I also do not want to bore readers as well, I would love a chance to write for you. I could write about guns, the second amendment, motorcycles, music, movies.

WE DON’T PUBLISH POETRY, AND NEVER HAVE.

I want to know how can Publish my poems on behalf of you?

APPARENTLY, THIS PERSON’S KEYBOARD IS MISSING ALL THE PUNCTUATION KEYS!

i’m working as a computer teacher & also as educational consultant so basically i want to write something for you in future if you allow me to i need a writing job because it’s my passion if there is any possibility available for me then kindly let me know i’m waiting for your reply

AND, THIS PERSON’S SPACE BAR AND SHIFT KEYS ARE ON THE BLINK, TOO!

i wanna write on different topics for your website.i have already written an article about how to get success.so can I submit my article for your site?tell me the procedure?you can edit my article also.also I am ready to write articles on topics which you demand.reply on my email

HE THINK I’LL BE “HUMBLE” IN MY REPLY, WHICH MEANS “HAVING OR SHOWING A MODEST OR LOW ESTIMATE OF ONE’S OWN IMPORTANCE. (Thank you, Google.)

i want to become a writer and want to write something for you in future if you allow me to so i’m waiting for your humble reply,

SOOOO…WHAT’S YOUR ARTICLE IDEA?

I will like to pass some message to the world, i believe the true meaning of success is to impact lives. This site is great opportunity for me.

RATHER THAN WRITING FOR “ACKNOWLEDGMENT,” YOU SHOULD WRITE TO EDUCATE READERS. 

I am interested in joining your institution, I would like to write in behalf of your company, it has always been my passion and dignity to be acknowledged, I hope you may reconsider

WRITERSWEEKLY IS NOT AN “INVESTMENT” PUBLICATION.

herewith submit my investment articale for your reference

NOBODY IS “AN EXPERT IN WRITING ARTICLES ON ANY TOPIC.” ALSO, THE PROOFREADING CLAIM IS HIGHLY DOUBTFUL.

With due respect, it is stated that I am having eighteen years of education in the subject of physics. Furthermore, alongwith this higher degree i am expert in writing articles on any topic as well as proof reading and translation. I want to write articles for your website on any topic which you want.

I’M THINKING THAT “MASTERS IN ENGLISH” IS A BIT OF A STRETCH HERE. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I shall write for this company.I shall work according to desire of writers weekly.I have done Master in English.I work with devotion and zeal.

SPEECHLESS…

As I grow older the sociaty made me forget about who I really am , I got a shot of Doubt one after one until i Got so drunk of doubts and like all rebellions I became a Doubt-aholic , It is funny how I come up with my own words . I am very intelegent . The Mysterious Intelegent

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂

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Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).

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7 Responses to "World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For February, 2019!"

  1. Bryan  February 16, 2019 at 8:54 pm

    These budding writers should be gently advised to keep their day jobs.

  2. Pamela Allegretto  February 15, 2019 at 1:25 pm

    Your article, as always, is the perfect, entertaining “get-away.” Thank you!

  3. Antaeus Balevre  February 15, 2019 at 9:28 am

    Dear Angela, I love this column and look forward to reading it. It blows me away that with the availability of today’s grammar checkers, like Grammarly, people still write query letters so full of errors. I understand and sympathies that English as a second language is hard to master, but there are a lot of “free” grammar checkers out there. My personal feeling is that anyone who says, “I can write on any subject,” is actually saying I can look it up on the internet.
    I’ve written two books on situational awareness, and the only material I’ve looked up on the internet are statistics. Thanks again for your informational emails.
    Antaeus

  4. Jacqueline  February 14, 2019 at 5:12 am

    I doubt that you ever have a dull day Angela…judging from the bucket load of hilarious prospects trying to court you.

    Doesn’t it sometimes make you want to scream? Aren’t writers meant to be readers as a pre-qualifier? Meant to pay attention to details?

    I won’t claim that I’ve never made mistakes myself and in my eagerness skipped the bits I should read twice before reaching out, but then again, there must be some standard. A little seriousness given to the use of time. If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing right.

    Thank you for sharing this, I’ve learnt in a practical way what not to do if I’m ever to make progress and get noticed in the right way : )

  5. Tatiana Claudy  February 13, 2019 at 6:58 pm

    Dear Angela, thank you for this wonderful column! It’s funny and educational at the same time – it caused me to remember my own mistakes in English and thank those who helped me to correct them. I am waiting for this column, and it never disappoints me. Thank you for your work!

  6. Chris Norbury  February 13, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    I’m always curious about the ratio of proper queries you receive vs. the queries you feature in this column. But then again, I’d rather not know that number because it might scare me too much. 🙂 Thanks for a good chuckle as always.

    Chris

    • Brian Whiddon - Managing Editor  February 13, 2019 at 10:16 pm

      Let’s just say that the scale tilts heavily to one side…