Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!
YOU WON’T WANT TO MISS THE LAST ONE!
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. See if you recognize the themes below.
AFTER READING THIS ONE, I COULDN’T STOP LICKING MY FRONT TOOTH…
Ok, Can I Share my success story as a writer? Here is a sample: “The 2th most expensive currency in the world,”
ARE CAPITALIZATION AND PUNCTUATION ILLEGAL IN YOUR FAR AWAY LAND?
hi good day sir or madam my name is leandro i àm from far away i would like too apply for position
WE ARE OFTEN APPROACHED BY PEOPLE WHO ARE ASKING FOR CHARITY OF SOME SORT. WHILE I APPRECIATE THE FACT THAT THIS PERSON WANTS TO WORK TO EARN THE MONEY, WE CAN’T HIRE SOMEONE WHO EXHIBITS THESE TYPES OF ERRORS IN A QUERY LETTER.
I a.m a writer that is based in nigeria,will .y work,a fiction be considered? I am struggling to get the fund to publish the manuscript,can i get help,please i need your kind heart to reach out to me.
THAT’S AWESOME! I LIKE WRITING ARTICLES, TOO! BUT, I STRONGLY RECOMMEND RESEARCHING HOW TO APPROACH PUBLICATIONS FOR WRITING WORK BEFORE ACTUALLY DOING SO.
Article writing is one that i like very much.
FIRST, WE DON’T ASSIGN ARTICLES, WHICH IS MADE CLEAR IN OUR GUIDELINES. SECOND, I HAVE A PARTICULAR DISTASTE FOR QUERY LETTERS WITH NON-EXISTENT CAPITALIZATION AND PUNCTUATION…
i want to write an article for you so plz give a topic which you want article i have write so many article but i want a topic from you
IT’S OBVIOUS THIS PERSON READ OUR GUIDELINES BECAUSE HE GOT THE WORD COUNT RIGHT. HOWEVER, HE SURE DIDN’T FOLLOW THEM!
I am willing to write about the success of my Freelance story with some lessons and updates to be shared. So, please let me know when can i start writing the article of length 400 words?
EVEN IF YOU SUCCESSFULLY FOUND A PUBLISHER THAT BUYS MANUSCRIPTS OUTRIGHT, SHOULDN’T YOU PREPARE A PROFESSIONAL BOOK PROPOSAL WHEN APPROACHING THEM? WHY WOULD THEY OFFER TO BUY YOUR MANUSCRIPT BASED ON THE GENRE ALONE?
I have an urban novel. Any interest in buying it outright?
ORDERING AN EDITOR TO HIRE YOU WILL FAIL EVERY SINGLE TIME. GOSH, I HOPE HE DOESN’T CAST A SPELL ON ME WITH HIS POWERS!!
I have to write and inspire the world with power I possess. So hire me now
REMEMBER MY PARTICULAR DISLIKE FOR MISSING CAPITALIZATION?
dear, writers weekly, hi, i’m a local singer\songwriter i write poetry, and creative non fiction, i’m very interested in writing for and i am ready to start any time, just let me know when, i’m ready to start right away, thanks ,peace,love.
IF YOU CAN’T SPELL “WRITER,” YOU’RE NOT ONE!
I will join to your company.And I am a writter
I HAVE TO ADMIT…THIS ONE MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD!
I have writed freelancers success story and attached file to your mail
IF A BOOK PROPOSAL HAS THIS MANY ERRORS IN THE FIRST (RUN-ON) SENTENCE, HOW DO YOU THINK THE MANUSCRIPT LOOKS? PUBLISHERS WON’T EVEN OPEN A MANUSCRIPT IF THE COVER LETTER LOOKS LIKE THIS.
many people who are grieving, believe their life is over and cant move on from the loss of someone close to them, in my book i designed it to help move forward, i have first hand experience of loss.
WE HAVE PUBLISHED HUNDREDS OF RELIGIOUS BOOKS FOR AUTHORS BUT WE HAD TO PASS ON THIS ONE.
I am a minister and shear with all I wrote this book cause I was guided by insperation to do so and this is what I wrote I jusr want the woeld to kow Jwsus like I do and ro follow in his foot steps
AND, I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST! ENJOY!!
I AM APPROACHED ON A DAILY BASIS BY PEOPLE WHO WANT ME TO WRITE THEIR LIFE STORY FOR THEM…FOR FREE, OF COURSE. IN ALMOST EVERY CASE, THEY INSIST THEIR STORY WILL CHANGE THE WORLD. I ALWAYS SEND THEM A LINK TO AN ARTICLE ON HOW TO HIRE A GHOSTWRITER BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, MY TIME IS VALUABLE (JUST LIKE THEIRS) AND I DON’T WORK FOR FREE. THIS WAS THE LATEST SNARKY RESPONSE I RECEIVED FROM ONE OF THESE EMAILS:
What a f**** g argument. You are a complete downer. I wish to have my story written for the last three and a half years of my life. As you are turning people away from writing what would help so many people that are in my predicament. I haven’t found anything written that comes close to what I’ve been through and I know there are many more that have been where I’m at. So f*** off and die.
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.
RELATED
Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk
Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.
Thank you, Angela. That was and always is fun. If they were gunfighters they would shoot themselves in the foot.
Love,
Peter
Always entertaining and sometimes a bit unnerving.