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Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.
We’ve been savings these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, I’ve saved the best for last!
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.
Are you ready? ENJOY!
YOU HAVEN’T EVEN PITCHED AN ARTICLE IDEA TO US YET!
How many days will the payment be delayed? Will the payment message come to my email?
I’M (PANT PANT) BREATHLESS AFTER READING THIS RUN-ON SENTENCE!
I am writing for 2 years I checked your website I found it best matching my expertise want to write on this website to prove my writing experience and gaining more experience.
WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD A WRITING- AND PUBLISHING-RELATED WEBSITE BE INTERESTED IN ARTICLES ON THESE TOPICS?!
Greetings , I am inquiring about submitting my articles on topics related to personal finance , stock market , investing and trading.
I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU, NO, YOU CAN’T. AND, YELLING AT ME WON’T GET YOU ANY FAVORS.
I CAN WRITE BEST ARTICLES FOR YOU
IF YOU’D READ OUR GUIDELINES, YOU’D KNOW. AND, I ONLY BUY ARTICLES FROM PEOPLE WHO DON’T YELL AT ME.
WHICH TYPE OF ARTICLES DO YOU NORMALLY BUY FROM WRITERS?
HOW ABOUT YOU READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES? AND, STOP YELLING AT ME!
HOW DO I GET STARTED
WE ONLY ACCEPT QUERIES. OUR GUIDELINES CLEARLY STATE THAT. AND, YOU CAN STOP YELLING AT ME, TOO!
I AM A STORY WRITER AS WELL AS A ARTICLE WRITER TOO. I AM SENDING MY TWO STORIES WHICH WRITTEN BY ME
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS…
How many days you get to live the article?
GOOD FOR YOU! HOW ABOUT YOU RESEARCH OUR WEBSITE, AND READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES BEFORE WASTING YOUR TIME AND MINE?
I want to complete this job to earn money
IF YOU’D BOTHERED TO LOOK AT OUR WEBSITE, YOU’D KNOW THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS.
Do hire new writers. Can I kno the steps for recruitment?
WE ONLY PUBLISH ARTICLES. WE DON’T PUBLISH ENTIRE BLOGS. I THINK THAT’S WHAT YOU MEANT. IF IT IS, YOU NEED TO LEARN THE INDUSTRY LINGO BEFORE APPROACHING EDITORS.
I am sending you the new headline of my blog. It’s my request to you to please have a look at it.
THE MOST AUTHORITATIVE BRANDS ARE THOSE THAT TOUCH PEOPLE’s HEART.
Kindly, let me know that should i start working at this blog.
IF YOU CAN’T BOTHER TO READ OUR GUIDELINES, I CAN’T BOTHER RESPONDING TO YOUR EMAIL.
Hi, I want to submit my article, i look forward to hear from you, thank you
YOU NEED TO READ THIS ARTICLE.
I’ll like to publish some interesting queries on platform. I’ve got few fascinating articles on how folks can earn some bucks leveraging on their skills. How people can make some dough off it.
THAT’S AWESOME! SO DO I! AND, WHEN I WANT TO WRITE FOR A PUBLICATION, I DO THOROUGH RESEARCH ABOUT WHAT THEY PUBLISH AND I READ THEIR WRITER’S GUIDELINES.
I want to write
LOOK! YODA EMAILED ME!!
please guide for your website what i can as a writer or poet.
I WAS TEMPTED TO SEND YOU THE LINK TO OUR GUIDELINES BUT THEN I NOTICED THE PUNCTUATION AND CAPITALIZATION ERRORS.
I just want to know which field is acceptable for writers please give me some examples for more details.
WHY IN THE (BLEEP) WOULD WE BE INTERESTED IN THIS?!
I am reaching out to ask whether your magazine would be interested in two essays that tackle the representation of the female body in two blockbuster films.
I have been writing essays and novels for the last two years. In all of my articles, I have written a very simple style intelligible to the common people. In the article, the articles I am very pleased to share in sending their website.
PLEASE, JUST SHOOT ME NOW…
I want to write article about writing on your website
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.
Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂
- Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
- Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
- Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
- If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
- Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
- More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk
Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.
Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.
About The Author
Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).
Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.
WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.
BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."
Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.
PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!
Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.
Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)
See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.
ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy
BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
ANGELA ON FACEBOOK
ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE
90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy
Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.
We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts
and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!
Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor,
which makes it fun for creative folks like you!
Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!
How Many Copies Of Your Book Would You Have To Sell In Order To Break Even?
The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication
Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.