World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For July, 2021!

World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For July, 2021!

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Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

We’ve been savings these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, I’ve saved the best for last!

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

Are you ready? ENJOY!


YOU HAVEN’T EVEN PITCHED AN ARTICLE IDEA TO US YET!

How many days will the payment be delayed? Will the payment message come to my email?

I’M (PANT PANT) BREATHLESS AFTER READING THIS RUN-ON SENTENCE!

I am writing for 2 years I checked your website I found it best matching my expertise want to write on this website to prove my writing experience and gaining more experience.

WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD A WRITING- AND PUBLISHING-RELATED WEBSITE BE INTERESTED IN ARTICLES ON THESE TOPICS?!

Greetings , I am inquiring about submitting my articles on topics related to personal finance , stock market , investing and trading.

I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU, NO, YOU CAN’T. AND, YELLING AT ME WON’T GET YOU ANY FAVORS. 

I CAN WRITE BEST ARTICLES FOR YOU

IF YOU’D READ OUR GUIDELINES, YOU’D KNOW. AND, I ONLY BUY ARTICLES FROM PEOPLE WHO DON’T YELL AT ME.

WHICH TYPE OF ARTICLES DO YOU NORMALLY BUY FROM WRITERS?

HOW ABOUT YOU READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES? AND, STOP YELLING AT ME!

HOW DO I GET STARTED

WE ONLY ACCEPT QUERIES. OUR GUIDELINES CLEARLY STATE THAT. AND, YOU CAN STOP YELLING AT ME, TOO!

I AM A STORY WRITER AS WELL AS A ARTICLE WRITER TOO. I AM SENDING MY TWO STORIES WHICH WRITTEN BY ME

I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS…

How many days you get to live the article?

GOOD FOR YOU! HOW ABOUT YOU RESEARCH OUR WEBSITE, AND READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES BEFORE WASTING YOUR TIME AND MINE?

I want to complete this job to earn money

IF YOU’D BOTHERED TO LOOK AT OUR WEBSITE, YOU’D KNOW THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS. 

Do hire new writers. Can I kno the steps for recruitment?

WE ONLY PUBLISH ARTICLES. WE DON’T PUBLISH ENTIRE BLOGS. I THINK THAT’S WHAT YOU MEANT. IF IT IS, YOU NEED TO LEARN THE INDUSTRY LINGO BEFORE APPROACHING EDITORS.

Hi,
I am sending you the new headline of my blog. It’s my request to you to please have a look at it.
HEADLINE
THE MOST AUTHORITATIVE BRANDS ARE THOSE THAT TOUCH PEOPLE’s HEART.
Kindly, let me know that should i start working at this blog.
THANK YOU

IF YOU CAN’T BOTHER TO READ OUR GUIDELINES, I CAN’T BOTHER RESPONDING TO YOUR EMAIL. 

Hi, I want to submit my article, i look forward to hear from you, thank you

YOU NEED TO READ THIS ARTICLE

Hello!

I’ll like to publish some interesting queries on platform. I’ve got few fascinating articles on how folks can earn some bucks leveraging on their skills. How people can make some dough off it.

THAT’S AWESOME! SO DO I! AND, WHEN I WANT TO WRITE FOR A PUBLICATION, I DO THOROUGH RESEARCH ABOUT WHAT THEY PUBLISH AND I READ THEIR WRITER’S GUIDELINES. 

I want to write

LOOK! YODA EMAILED ME!!

please guide for your website what i can as a writer or poet.

I WAS TEMPTED TO SEND YOU THE LINK TO OUR GUIDELINES BUT THEN I NOTICED THE PUNCTUATION AND CAPITALIZATION ERRORS.

I just want to know which field is acceptable for writers please give me some examples for more details.

WHY IN THE (BLEEP) WOULD WE BE INTERESTED IN THIS?!

I am reaching out to ask whether your magazine would be interested in two essays that tackle the representation of the female body in two blockbuster films. 

SAY WHAT?!?!

I have been writing essays and novels for the last two years. In all of my articles, I have written a very simple style intelligible to the common people. In the article, the articles I am very pleased to share in sending their website.

PLEASE, JUST SHOOT ME NOW…

I want to write article about writing on your website

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂

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About The Author

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Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).

Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.

WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.

BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."

Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.

PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!

Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.

Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)


See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.


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5 Responses to "World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For July, 2021!"

  1. Arlene Baker  July 13, 2021 at 9:06 am

    Thanks for posting these queries. Everyone needs a good laugh once in awhile.

    Reply
  2. Cheryl Tuskes  July 9, 2021 at 10:46 pm

    Thanks for the laughs Angela.

    It’s also sad that some of these people claim to be published but they can’t even write a proper query let alone read your guidelines.

    Just curious. Have you ever checked any of these people out to see if they were published anywhere?

    Reply
    • By Angela Hoy - Publisher of WritersWeekly.com  July 12, 2021 at 6:47 pm

      Hi Cheryl,

      No, we haven’t. We’re too busy to stalk writers. 😉

      Angela

      Reply
  3. Linda G  July 8, 2021 at 7:35 pm

    HEY ANGELA I’M NOT YELLING, I’M ITALIAN.

    Sorry Ang, I could not resist that. My head threatened to fall off from shaking it so many times.

    I have no patience for a job such as yours. Blessings.
    Linda G

    Reply
    • Wendy Jones  July 9, 2021 at 2:57 pm

      I love the Italian joke – it fits.

      Reply

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