Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks.
Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, red font. See if you recognize the themes below.
HE WANTS TO PUT HIS ARTICLE ON THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN?
Where can i summit my article?
THIS ONE MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD!
I writing to you with the aim of accepting my article for publication on you site web. English is my passion.
HE SENT US THE QUERY, BUT ADDRESSED IT TO ONE OF OUR COMPETITORS.
I am a Kenyan freelance journalist (copy-editor) proposing one story for (name of our competitor)…
ISN’T IT FUNNY HOW THE SPACE BAR ONLY WORKS IN THE MIDDLE OF HER SENTENCES?
I need to submit my srticle.Can I submit my article?Im waiting your response.
WELL…USING SPELL-CHECK AND FIXING YOUR PUNCTUATION WOULD BE A GOOD START!
I write articles..so I want to ask ..how I can write for you and earn sumthing..
LIKE, I HAVE PLENTY OF PROFESSIONAL WRITERS SO, LIKE, NO THANK YOU.
Like where do I contribute and what amount will I be paif
SHE OBVIOUSLY KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT OUR PUBLICATION.
I would like to write articles & blog about,marketing,sales,success story,how to survive in new city,how to behave in new organisation on firs day.What women do at home while not working.
I ONLY GIVE STAR STICKERS TO MY CHILDREN…WHO ARE HOMESCHOOLED.
When do we get starred?
IF YOU CAN’T WRITE A QUERY CORRECTLY, WE HAVE TO ASSUME YOU’RE NOT CAPABLE OF WRITING AN ARTICLE, EITHER.
I now write for you please give me some opportunity.
HE “LOVES” IN INDIA. THAT’S SWEET.
I want to write for you, people.
I love in India, how can I apply.
I NEVER RESPOND TO PEOPLE WHO USE TEXTING ABBREVIATIONS IN BUSINESS CORRESPONDENCE.
I need online writing jjob to earn. Would u plz give me this opportunity i will proved myself upto the mark.
IF YOU CAN’T SPELL THE WORD “ARTICLE,” YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN’T BE A WRITER.
I usuali write artical in local newspaper related to yoga such as various yoga exersise their benifits and their posture .I also write about various medically important herbs and their benifits . can i write these type of artical for you ?
IF YOU CAN’T SPELLING THE WORD “WRITING,” YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN’T BE A WRITER.
how are my name is (removed) i need a writting job please help me
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS LITERARY, LEARN HOW TO SPELL WRITING!
I wish to apply for writting task.
NOOOOOO! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!
I would be write how any one can find a successful career in writting and how they can make a good money selling writting services
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.
RELATED:
Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
BOOK PROPOSALS THAT WORKED! Real Book Proposals That Landed $10K – $100K Publishing Contracts
Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
Read more columns by Angela HERE.
Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.
About The Author
Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).
Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.
WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.
BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."
Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.
PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!
Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.
Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)
See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.
ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy
BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
https://www.facebook.com/booklockerbooks
ANGELA ON FACEBOOK
https://www.facebook.com/angela.hoy.750
ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
https://www.linkedin.com/in/angelahoy/
Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
https://24hourshortstorycontest.com/
Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE
90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy
Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.
We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!
Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor, which makes it fun for creative folks like you!
Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!
I like the part about “What women do at home when not working.” Sounds like a very, very broad topic–and one that will encourage some imaginative suggestions!
Hahaha, I love the content you provide in your newsletters Angela, I look forward to reading them each week, but this section has to be my favourite.
Keep up the excellent work.
James
I look forward to my WritersWeekly fix each week. There’s always: something new to learn, a moving story with an uplifting message, a shocking scam, or, as in the case of these query letters, an “Are you kidding me?” moment. Cheers!