Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. See if you recognize the themes below.

DON’T MISS THE LAST ONE! 😉

A 13-WORD SENTENCE WITH 2 OF THOSE WORDS MISSPELLED?

Kindly check this article if i am elegible for wrting articles for you.

WHY WOULD A PUBLICATION ABOUT WRITING AND PUBLISHING BE INTERESTED IN SOCCER AND POLITICS? AND, YOUR SHIFT KEY APPEARS TO BE ON THE BLINK…

i would prefer to write about soccer but i keep myself updated with day to day politics all across the world and have opinions and views which would make an interesting read.

THAT’S GREAT! I’M JUST WANTING YOU  TO READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES. YOU CAN FIND THE LINK IN A LARGE, BOLD, RED FONT ABOVE THE CONTACT FORM YOU USED TO WRITE TO ME TODAY.

Just wanting to sell stories….

WAIT A MINUTE. I’M CONFUSED… WERE YOU COLLECTING CONSTRUCTION MATERIALS OVER THE YEARS, OR COLLECTING WHILE DOING CONSTRUCTION? WHAT WERE YOU COLLECTING? CAN YOU SEE HOW IMPORTANT COMMAS ARE? AND, HOW IS ANY OF THIS RELATED TO WRITING OR PUBLISHING?

I have been writing for around ten years now collecting materials I wrote was doing construction around ten years as well and I thought this may be a great chance for me.

SO, LET ME SEE IF I UNDERSTAND YOU CORRECTLY. YOU WANT ME TO BUY THE RIGHTS TO A BOOK THAT VIOLATES THE RIGHTS (TRADEMARK) OF ANOTHER COMPANY? 

I’d like to finish my Forrest gump( copyright ) sequeal with you to buy the rights please

WOW! SO AM I!!

Hello, iam a Freelance Blogger.

MISSING SOME SPACES. MISSING SOME CAPITALIZATION. MISSING AN ARTICLE TOPIC IDEA. THUS, HE MISSED THE MARK ENTIRELY! 

iam friendly person & honest worker, i have very good experience with Internet Things. I request you to provide me opportunities to work for you

I SERIOUSLY DOUBT SHE HAS A DEGREE ON “FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH.”

Hai mam,

Myself (name removed), I’m a graduated student in BA Functional English. I have six years of experience in writings. What all things I need to do inorder to join your team. Please let me know, I’m really interested in this job.

IS THIS A QUERY LETTER…OR A ONE-NIGHT-STAND PROPOSAL?

I’m capable to fulfill all your desires

WOW! IT’S SO NICE WHEN PEOPLE GIVE ME PERMISSION TO WRITE FOR MY OWN WEBSITE!

I am a content writer.I would like to allow you to write content at this site.

BUT…WRITING AN ARTICLE REQUIRES THE USE OF PUNCTUATION. AM I RIGHT?

I want to work I know how to write an article Please contact me my

OOOH! THIS BOOK SOUNDS TITILLATING! 

Greetings, It’s my pleasure that I wish to get the opportunity to publish my book tittle

I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH RUN-ON SENTENCES…

i am writer i want to write for you can i

WE HAVE “ZEROTH” INTEREST IN PUBLISHING AN ARTICLE ON THIS TOPIC. 

I have an article explaining about the fourth dimension and also comparing the third dimension to the fourth, second, first and zeroth dimension.

EVEN MY FAVORITE ONLINE DRUNK TRANSLATOR COULDN’T FIGURE THIS ONE OUT! AND, DO YOU THINK HE MEANT TO ALMOST TYPE “VODKA” BELOW? 😉

Im in process of getting school and extre mental health traing rifht noq. Will visit thia later. Im lookibg into a 3rd book and reissuing my ols ones. I will get baxk to you. I heard anyone written booka pays 87 for a republish. Is rhis rrue? I have two vooka with them

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

RELATED

• Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
• Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
• Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
• If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
• Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
• More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk

Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.

Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.

About The Author

Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).

Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.

WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.

BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."

Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.

PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!

Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.

Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)

See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.

ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy

BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
https://www.facebook.com/booklockerbooks

ANGELA ON FACEBOOK
https://www.facebook.com/angela.hoy.750

ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
https://www.linkedin.com/in/angelahoy/

Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
https://24hourshortstorycontest.com/

Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE