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Check out the WritersWeekly Podcast Episode 4, which is on this same hilarious topic! And, find out how to get free copies of two of Angela’s books, Query Letters That Worked and Book Proposals That Worked!

It’s that time again!! The non-sensical emails with off topic pitches, badly worded questions, and meaningless statements keep rolling in. Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

We’ve been saving these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, we’ve saved the best for last!

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

Are you ready? ENJOY!

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Responding to us after receiving our email newsletter:
Can I get an assignment please

If you can’t read our writer’s guidelines (there’s a link to them at the top of every page on our website), we can’t be bothered to respond to your email. 

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Looking for a part-time position writing articles, slogans, taglines, ads, sidebars, jingles etc.

The #1 rule when approaching writing markets is to RESEARCH THE PUBLICATION!

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Bonsoir Brian
Je suis content de vous contacter. Comment faire pour être votre rédacteur ?

Alors, tu essaies de prendre mon travail?!?!

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Please can I get job please I am trying to nature my talent please

Nature your talent? You realize this is NOT a p*rn site, right? 

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After a writer sent us a query that had errors, and didn’t really make much sense, I responded:

Can you provide some specific details? I’m not exactly sure what the article would be about.

Her reply added more confusion. It was basically a rant about how she can’t get assignments from magazines. The writing was choppy and I couldn’t quite see how this article would benefit our readers. It’s unfortunate she can’t land an assignment but then I discovered why…

I replied:
I’m sorry but this one isn’t going to work for us.

And, here’s her response:
What a load of bullshit. You know what, you get tax breaks or money for hiring new writers all the time. You are keeping yourselves afloat and not hiring writers at all.

My final response:

We buy 104 articles from freelance writers each year. Your reply certainly explains why people aren’t hiring you to write for them. Had you been professional, and simply sent a different pitch, we may have assigned an article to you. But, now you’re blacklisted.

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Request to Publish a Featured Psychology Article on Your Platform

Why would we publish a psychology article in a publication about writing and publishing?!

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I’m incredibly excited by WritersWeekly.com’s sharp focus. My ideas align perfectly with your mission. I’m eager to contribute unique insights that empower your global audience. Ready to pitch!

So, you’ve basically told me that you know NOTHING at all about our publication. This reminds me of the spam emails that publishing scammers send to authors where they compliment the author’s book, over and over again, with zero details about it (because they’ve never seen it). DELETE.

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It is best work.

I hope that a four-word query that says nothing at all about your pitch is NOT your best work! 

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Here’s an **engaging, informative article** on **”Stock Market Secrets”**

Again, why would WritersWeekly.com be interested in that? Stop wasting your time AND mine!

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Seeking a website for my book ungently!

Ungently? Well, that’s a new one. At BookLocker.com, we are very gentle with our authors and their books. However, we do require the books be well-written and that the author uses correct spelling. 

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Can I get amount for my articles in payoneer?

Nope! According to Google’s AI: “Payoneer, like any widely used financial platform, is targeted by scammers.”

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Is it possible to select a topic my own and narrates some stories from real experience

Sure, if you’re writing a book. However, why would any trade publication be interested in that? They would NOT. Furthermore, you need to brush up on your punctuation and grammar. 

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i would like to submit an erotica story for your review and, hopefully, purchase and, since i am not strong on the computer, would like to send it via snail mail if i knew where? 

JAIL MAIL! JAIL MAIL!! We get all KINDS of letters from people in prison. First, we open them for a good laugh. Then, we throw them away, and wash our hands. 

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I do not have the funds for any upfront costs, nor am I looking to make a profit from this book. I simply wish to have it published so that I can hold a physical copy in my hands and share it with those who might relate to it.

I’m happy for you to keep all the proceeds from any sales that might come from this project. All I ask is for a printed copy of the book with my name as the author. I would be truly grateful if you could help me bring this story to life in this way.

We receive these types of emails all the time. Basically, what the author is saying is, “It’s not worth it for me paying any money to publish my book and I’m strictly doing it for vanity purposes. I have no plans on marketing it. But, hey, why don’t YOU invest money in it?”

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I want to sale articles can i earn money?

If you can’t spell “sell,” and can’t use correct punctuation and capitalization, you’re not going to get ANY writing jobs. 

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Dear [Hiring Manager at Writers Weekly],

A classic case of someone sending out a mass email. DELETE!

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Available

OOOOH! Are you hitting on me?!

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Please let me know the name of Financials Operating Company, If PayPal is, it’s not operating in Pakistan. Any other option to get our earnings.

Since we didn’t order anything from you, your “earnings” are zero.

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Hello would u be interested in any my writing talents I can write a lot very fast millions articles hourly and by minutes as well to u know like I can write billions billions monthly weekly to thousands in just few minutes I have a lot of articles if u are interested please let me know okay

Put the cocaine down, buddy, and get some help! 

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See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂

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Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.