World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For March, 2023! – by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor

World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For March, 2023! – by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor

Man, the craziness never ends!! The non-sensical emails with off topic pitches, badly worded questions, and meaningless statements keep rolling in. Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

We’ve been saving these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, we’ve saved the best for last!

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

Are you ready? ENJOY!

Don’t we all! So, what’s your pitch??
I wanted to do work from home and earn a handsome amount of money.

We hereby direct you to to spend five minutes reading our WRITERS GUIDELINES page, where you will find that we do NOT assign topics, nor pay by wire transfer. We pay by paypal. You could add a much more sizable value to our operation if you actually had a flair for following directions.
I hereby request to write about assigned topics(weekly/monthly) for your magazine on a paid basis(preferably via wire transfer). In this respect, I believe that I can add sizable value to your operations as I have a flair for writing,

Well, then, who is it for?
My article is not copy for others

And, it’s a pleasure to pay you. Isn’t playing make-believe fun?
It’s pleasure to write for you.

Here is an email we received from “Jack” (not the real name on the email.) Notice that Jack claims to have a PhD, has written content for some of the biggest companies in the world, and mentions his “attention to detail.” Unfortunately, Jack failed to replace the cookie cutter “[Your Team]” field in the subject line with our company’s name. Jack’s phenomenal experience with Microsoft and Google failed to teach him that, when you are sending a “copy and paste” template email to 75 different recipients, you should list all of those recipients as “Blind Carbon Copies” (BCC) so that each recipient doesn’t realize that you shot-gunned this message out to half the world. (That really shows how much our company really means to you.) And, finally, Jack didn’t bother to remove the brackets from his cookie cutter signature line either. Sorry Jack – better luck next time.

Subject: An professional freelance writer looking for an opportunity to work with [Your Team]

Hello, my name is [Jack] and I am an accomplished freelance writer with over 8 years of experience in the industry. With my passion for writing and a PhD degree, I have honed my skills and contributed to some of the biggest companies in the world, including Google, Microsoft, and Facebook. 

I am confident that my expertise and experience make me the perfect fit for your organization. I can write articles, blogs, content, and any other writing-related material with ease, and my attention to detail ensures that every piece I produce is of the highest quality. 

I have had the privilege of earning a comfortable living from my writing, but my true passion lies in working with small businesses and helping them grow. 

Best regards,

Hi. I will won’t mind being immune from you. It’s nice that you offer to accept less than we actually pay for articles…but we’re not a health and wellness site.
Hi, I would like to write an article about ” How to boost our immune system. I will won’t mind if you pay me between$20 to $50.

I am an editor. I can spot poor writing well as capitalization and punctuation errors ..
i am a writer. i can write articles ..picturized articles and video articles ..

I do indeed like secrets. Here’s one. Your spelling is atrocious!
I do like to write about secret marketing for you. The topik would be about How To Get Padi on Selling Seashells?

I am pleased to reject your expertise.
I am pleased to offer my expertise in the field of beauty and skincare through my two new articles

Step 1) Go to
Step 2) Click on Write For Us link.
I wish to cooperate with you.
I can write articles and want to get paid for it
Please explain me step by step procedure.

No more surprised than if I found out a first grader wrote this.
i really think u should hire me and u will be suprised

Hi there. Maybe you should learn correct spelling and capitalization first.
hellow how can i write article for your website. i am doing blog writing. and i want to start earning from your platform . thank you.

I can’t wait to start paying you but I need some motivation.
I can’t wait to start making money but I need some assistance

If it’s written anything like this pitch, I’m not interested.
I write articles as freelancer. i have articles on topic science and technology, Health etc. if you are interested in it please contact by mail i mentioned above.

You are offering a literary site an article on “Food and Brainpower?” I suggest you start eating something different.
I Wrote an Article on Topic on ” Food and Brainpower”
And I want to publish this article , I complete Rights on this Article
Feel free To contact me

This work dies about 11:00 p.m. every evening when I collapse in my bed because I cannot handle one more mindless email.
How dies this work

In all sincerity, if this is how you’re going about trying to get work, it will ALWAYS be difficult for you to get a job.
I am a single mother of 5 children and I struggle with depression, anxiety, bipolar and ptsd so it makes it difficult to get a job n person

I can earn for write a blog on your website?

I hope you have a crowd to fund you because I’m not paying a dime for this stuff.
I want to sumit a write up about crowd funding

Please don’t send me any more pitches about mental health. You’re driving me nuts!
I want to pitch my idea of writing an article on Mental health. We are living in a globalized world where social media is ruling the Million of minds all over the world. The young generation is more into the social world whether through phones or computers. Do they aware of this digitalized social economy impacting their mental health? How it is impacting and what are the ways to get out of it?.

That’s nothing! I can write an article in $10 and get paid 30 minutes!
I write one article in $20

You cannot be…until you’ve learned the secret handshake, acquired your secret decoder ring, and gotten a WritersWeekly tattoo. Only then can you be one of us.
How to be one of you?

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂



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7 Responses to "World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For March, 2023! – by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor"

  1. Cheryl Tuskes  April 2, 2023 at 6:12 pm

    You definitely saved the best for last. Always a blast!

    Thanks, Brian.

  2. Rachel Carrington  April 1, 2023 at 12:17 pm

    I got my tattoo, Brian! Can you upload a YouTube video of the secret handshake so I can practice? I haven’t bought the cereal yet so I don’t have the decoder ring, but I’m working on it. Just waiting for a store near me to stock it. Well on my way to being “one of you!”

  3. Jana  April 1, 2023 at 10:43 am

    It is your comments that make this article lol funny.

  4. Robin Shirley  March 31, 2023 at 11:03 pm

    I think I can come up with the handshake and tattoo, but how do I get my decoder ring? Is there some special cereal box or something?

    • Brian Whiddon - Managing Editor  April 1, 2023 at 12:01 am

      LOL…YES! It’s called BookLocker Crunchies. Coming soon to a grocery store near you!

  5. Linda Rosencrance  March 31, 2023 at 2:45 pm

    OK, I literally burst out laughing at this one: You cannot be…until you’ve learned the secret handshake, acquired your secret decoder ring, and gotten a WritersWeekly tattoo. Only then can you be one of us.
    How to be one of you?

    • By Angela Hoy - Publisher of  March 31, 2023 at 9:15 pm

      Hi Linda,

      I almost peed myself laughing when I read that one from Brian, too!! 😉