Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

We’ve been savings these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you!

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes. And, of course, I always save the best one for last!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

FLUENT, HUH???

I write for you.i had fluent luangage on my hand that’s for you .

YOU SHOULD PROBABLY LOOK FOR A WORKING SPACE BAR FIRST…

I am looking for para-phrasing,proof-reading,fact-checking and content-writing job.

THE 10-WORD QUERY WITH NO PUNCTUATION.

I need to know more about it and sign up

WE DON’T HAVE ANY GEOGRAPHICAL LIMITS ON OUR FREELANCERS…BUT WE DO REQUIRE THAT THEY READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES!

I’m from Bangladesh, so am i eligible;e to write your site.

WE DON’T HAVE MUCH CONFIDENCE IN THIS STATEMENT!

This article is very accurate grammatical and no spelling mistake. This article is rewriting.

WELL, READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES, OF COURSE!

I want to write for you. How do I do that?

WE PAY FOR ARTICLES. WRITERS DO NOT PAY US!

I need to post here https://writersweekly.com/ Let me know the price for each post.

YOUR QUESTIONS ARE ANSWERED IN OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES.

how I’ll be paid and how’ll my article be selected for promotion?

CLEARLY SHE HAS NOT BEEN LOOKING AT OUR SITE FOR “SOME TIME NOW!”

I write about health, yoga, and fitness. I’ve been looking at your site for some time now and I like the perspective of your website. We should collaborate. I can create guest-written content to give your readers some insights on a (lifestyle, good or service, culture, brand) they’re into, thereby providing your site with valuable back-links from an established brand.

UM, WHAT???

My story begins with truth…wat is truth…do u think truth is the only thing ever lasts if we say truth and act in a dignified truthful manner dont we get any trouble in life…bcoz we r in right path

THE PROCEDURE? WHAT PROCEDURE? MEDICAL? IS SOMEONE SICK???

hello how do i start writing for the procedure

I’M JUST FINE, THANK YOU. WOULDN’T YOUR TIME BE BETTER SPENT READING OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES INSTEAD OF SENDING RANDOM, GENERIC EMAILS TO EDITORS?

How are you doing? I need post here on site. https://writersweekly.com

YEAH, YOU MIGHT WANT TO IMPROVE YOUR WRITING BEFORE EMAILING EDITORS. WE DON’T TRAIN WRITERS BEFORE HIRING THEM. THERE ARE COUNTLESS OTHER WEBSITES THAT OFFER ADVICE ON HOW TO WRITE…WHICH IS WHY WE DON’T. 

I would love to improve my writing. I want to try myself for yours. What do you think about that?

OUR MANAGING EDITOR, BRIAN WHIDDON, WROTE ABOUT “SYMPATHY PITCHES” RIGHT HERE. 

I am in too much need of making money for the livelihood of my family. I like to write articles.

YOU SHOULD BEGIN WITH THE TOPICS MENTIONED IN OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES. 

Please what type of story should I embark on?

HUGE, FRUSTRATED SIGH…..

I am writting to seek representation for my 600 words article, which embroidered around the legal profession and artificial intelligence.

ARRRGHHH!! READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES!!!

Hi,i want to work with you.Can you tell me what should i do?

WHY WOULD A PUBLICATION FOR WRITERS BE INTERESTED IN THIS?

i want to write a article on greatest discovery of 21st century that is graphene.graphene so a lot of potential.it can alter the future .

WOW! BEYOND WELL QUALIFIED FOR ANY POSITION! THAT’S INCREDIBLE!!!

Hope to actually work for you all I m beyond well qualified for any position that is

SELECTED FOR WHAT EXACTLY?

I hope I will be selected

EDITORS ARE NOT TRANSLATORS! PLEASE READ: 5 Tips For Non-Native English Writers By Aris Apostolopoulos

I would like to become an author of articles of entertainment genre, for Your magazine. But unfortunately I don’t know English. Is it possible to cooperate? I send You one of my stories, for review.

IS THERE AN ECHO IN HERE?

I want to write articles on writers weekly. Com, I have written so many articles so now I wish to publish them through writers weekly. Com

WE’RE LOOKING FOR QUERY LETTERS, NOT RESUMES!

want a firm who could utilize, challenge and develop my writing skills.

WELL, I LOVE CHOCOLATE, PARTICULARLY IF IT HAS SEA SALT AND CARAMEL IN IT. I ALSO LOVE SUPREME, THICK CRUST PIZZA. UNFORTUNATELY, WE’RE NOT HIRING A CHEF. WE NEED WRITERS. 

What are your tastes? Will like to work extremely hard to fit your taste.

TAKE A CLASS. DON’T EXPECT EDITORS TO TEACH YOU HOW TO WRITE. 

ineed training on freelance writing

WOW, THAT’S A LOT OF DEMANDS FROM SOMEONE LOOKING FOR WORK! I WAS TOO BUSY TO RESPOND AND I’M SURE EVERY OTHER EDITOR HE EMAILED WAS AS WELL. 

I would like to submit my article(s) to Writers Weekly. I hope you like them. The article(s) are attached. I have attached 3 articles. I hope you like them. These articles are requesting cash, please say which articles you would accept on your blog. Please say (if your rejecting the articles) why you would reject the articles and what specific reason to your specifications.

HE’S BASICALLY SAYING, “PUBLISH MY BOOK SO YOU CAN GET SUED, TOO!” NO THANKS!

If someone doesn’t sue the shit out of me for the content within this book, I’ll consider it a success. I couldn’t even get anyone to write a Foreword.

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂

RELATED

• Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
• Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
• Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
• If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
• Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
• More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk

Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.

Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.

About The Author

Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).

Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.

WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.

BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."

Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.

PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!

Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.

Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)

See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.

ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy

BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
https://www.facebook.com/booklockerbooks

ANGELA ON FACEBOOK
https://www.facebook.com/angela.hoy.750

ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
https://www.linkedin.com/in/angelahoy/

Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
https://24hourshortstorycontest.com/

Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE

 

90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy

Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.

We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!

Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor, which makes it fun for creative folks like you!

Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!

 

 

The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication

Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.

https://writersweekly.com/books/4693.html