Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.
We’ve been savings these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, I’ve saved the best for last!
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.
Are you ready? ENJOY!
I’M ALWAYS HONEST SO HERE YA GO. A ONE-SENTENCE QUERY WITH NO PUNCTUATION MEANS YOUR MARKETING SUCKS.
Let me know what you think of my marketing
ARE YOU SURE? I MEAN…IT COULD BE A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION. LET’S SEE IF WE CAN FIGURE IT OUT. FIRST QUESTION: HOW MUCH HAVE YOU HAD TO DRINK TONIGHT?
I think this site real.
ONLY IF YOU READ OUR GUIDELINES, SUBMIT A GREAT ARTICLE IDEA, AND THEN SUBMIT AN EQUALLY GREAT FINISHED PIECE.
Do you really pay me?
i search a freelance article submission on google your website mostly covered me .i love to work for you artcles submission
IF ONLY YOU WERE AS PASSIONATE ABOUT READING WRITER’S GUIDELINES…
I have to work with this website by uploading my work with full passion on content writing.
IF YOUR QUERY IS THIS CONFUSING, I CAN’T IMAGING HOW BAD THE FINAL ARTICLE WILL BE.
I am a magazine writer. I have written about many self-improvement motivations up to this point. I will motivate them about the future of the youth. My question is that I think I should write to you about such self-improvement ideas or how to use the time properly and achieve money and life. Can you use me to write for you?
A JACK OF MANY TRADES IS A MASTER OF NONE. AND, YOUR SPACE BAR IS BROKEN.
I am Economist-cum-banker,article writer,writing articles on different topics like economics,finance,parenting,short stories,e.t.c from the last 3 years
IT’S KINDA HARD TO REVIEW SOMETHING THAT IS “ALMOST” ONLINE.
some of my written work is almost there on my facebook page.
CAPITALIZATION ERRORS, MISSING SPACES, MISSPELLINGS, AND TEXTING SHORTHAND WILL GET YOU A REJECTION EVERY SINGLE TIME.
may I ask would like to include me/my articles to be paqrt of your esteemed website.let me plz know the price[if any]of the articles if approved by your experts.
FIRST, I’M NOT A SIR. SECOND, WE’RE LOOKING FOR PROFESSIONAL WRITERS. WE AREN’T LOOKING FOR HOBBYISTS.
I am looking to utilizing my free time in writing. Please guide me.
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, I AM NOT A SIR!
hi sir, i need become a writer
STEP 1 – READ OUR GUIDELINES. STEP 2 – FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS IN THOSE GUIDELINES. STEP 3 – GET AN ASSIGNMENT. STEP 4 – SUBMIT YOUR ARTICLE – ALL IN THAT ORDER.
how can i get paid
YOU NEED TO LEARN CORRECT GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION BEFORE YOU CAN TEACH OTHERS TO MAKE MONEY.
Hi.. I want to write article about making money online
YOU COULDN’T SPARE THE TIME TO ACTUALLY LET US KNOW WHAT THE ARTICLE IS ABOUT?
Please publish my article as soon as possible
THIS “WRITER” SENT AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT LINE BELOW. IN THE BODY OF THE EMAIL WAS A LINK TO THE ARTICLE ONLINE WHERE ANYBODY CAN READ IT (MEANING IT HAS LITTLE TO NO VALUE TO PROFESSIONAL PUBLICATIONS). AND, FINALLY, THE ARTICLE WAS AS POORLY WRITTEN AS THE “QUERY.”
Article on fitness please accept I need some please my PayPal email is this only please
I WANT SOME MONEY, TOO!! HIGH-FIVE, BUDDY! NOW, GO READ OUR GUIDELINES.
I want write for u I want some money
YOU’RE GOING TO BE WAITING A LOOOOOOOONG TIME BECAUSE, IF YOU CAN’T BOTHER TO READ OUR GUIDELINES, I CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO RESPOND TO YOUR EMAIL.
1. Article about what should I make.?
2. How do I submit the article.?
3. When can I start writing.?
4. I,m waiting for an answer by my email
NEVER TELL AN EDITOR YOU’RE A GOOD WRITER. YOUR WORDS WILL SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES. AND, YOURS HAVE…
Please I’m a very good writer. I write lots of novels and inspirational quotes. I have seen some of your works,I will love to work with you. Thanks in anticipation
WELL, THAT’S HARD TO SAY SINCE YOU DIDN’T INCLUDE A PICTURE…
Please contact me if you are interested in me.
NOT FOR US YOU WON’T!
I will write:top featured articles,my personel thinking and also unique .
I WOULD LIKE TO ASK IF YOU CAN TAKE A WRITING CLASS, AND USE CORRECT CAPITALIZATION AND PUNCTUATION.
I would like to ask if i can send my articles az freelancer if you like&accept
YOU NEED TO LAND A LITERARY AGENT WHO WILL THEN TRY TO SECURE A TRADITIONAL PUBLISHING CONTRACT FOR YOU. BUT, IF YOU SEND DEMANDS LIKE THIS TO ANYONE IN THE INDUSTRY, THEY’RE GOING TO DELETE YOUR EMAIL JUST LIKE IT DID.
I want you to publish my book, and I want it done: At No Cost To Me!
GOOD FOR YOU! BUT, HOW MANY OF THOSE ARTICLES ARE YOU ACTUALLY GETTING PAID FOR?
I will write all kinds of articles.
Subject line: Article for submission
Body of email: Completely blank
Email attachment: Marketing Secrats.pdf
ARRRGGHHH!! I NEED YOU TO READ OUR FREAKIN’ GUIDELINES!
I need to post on your website
I RECOMMEND READING THIS FUNNY SERIES ON OUR WEBSITE. IT’S AWESOME!
I have article.how can I submit it here..?
HERE’S AN EXAMPLE OF SOMEONE USING AN EMAIL AUTORESPONDER SERVICE INCORRECTLY! AND, WE CONSIDER THESE TYPES OF EMAIL SPAM SO…TO THE TRASH CAN IT GOES!
I see that you publish some really great content about the topics like [Cannabis] and [Health]. I am writing a well-researched blog post on the topic [Cannabis] which might be a great addition to your blog.
YEA! YODA CONTACTED ME AGAIN!
I am article will write.
WHEN YOU CAN’T EVEN SPELL STORIES CORRECTLY…..
I would like to write for your company. I can write short story’s I can write articles. I like to write.
YOU WERE TYPING WHEN YOU SENT ME THAT FIVE-WORD QUERY.
i want to start typing
NO CAPITALIZATION, NO PUNCTUATION, AND A MISSPELLED WORD. NO THANKS!
this is good oppotunities to writers
COOL, DUDE! I’M DOWN FOR YOU READING OUR GUIDELINES, AND FOLLOWING THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THAT PAGE! IF YOU THINK THAT’S “TOO MANY HOOPS,” THEN WE CAN’T WORK TOGETHER.
Angela im down to write for you guys
i have multiple websites with lots of copy on them
mainly centered around education
happy to send a sample or two
but not going to jump through toooo many hoops
AFTER TELLING THIS WRITER WE WERE REJECTING HIS QUERY BECAUSE HE DIDN’T READ OUR GUIDELINES, HE RESPONDED WITH THE EMAIL BELOW. WE DID NOT BOTHER REPLYING.
I am not interested.
What are the guidelines?
I am very invested in the article I do not understand what the problem is!
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.
Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂
- Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
- Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
- Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
- If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
- Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
- More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk
Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.
Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.
About The Author
Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).
Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.
WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.
BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."
Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.
PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!
Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.
Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)
See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.
ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy
BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
ANGELA ON FACEBOOK
ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE
90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy
Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.
We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts
and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!
Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor,
which makes it fun for creative folks like you!
Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!
How Many Copies Of Your Book Would You Have To Sell In Order To Break Even?
The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication
Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.