World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For October, 2022! – by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor

World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For October, 2022! – by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor

Today’s host for this, our most popular column, is our Managing Editor, Brian Whiddon. (You KNOW he had fun with this!!)


Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

We’ve been savings these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, I’ve saved the best for last!

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

Are you ready? ENJOY!


We couldn’t decide whether to trash this because of it’s irrelevance to our publication, or to file it under “NO S###, Sherlock!”

Article title:
Why Maintaining Your Health and Body Is Important

You’re going to be wanting a LONG time with a “query letter” like this.

i want to work with you

Just as long as you don’t have to write more than seven words, right??

I would really love being a writer

We are looking for writters rightt att tthis momentt…but only ones who can spell correctly. 

Can I join writer weekly as one of your writters?

What do you think of “flugelbinder?” Or, how about “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?” How are those words?

Please reply
Waiting for ur words…

ZERO from writers who don’t know correct grammar and punctuation.

How much article you accept from one user in a month

It depends… Do you know the secret handshake??

can i be accepted?

Great effort with the ONE period between “mail” and “thank you.” Oh, and by the way, NO.

please give me a writing job please get my writing work from (removed) please send my writing job by email and then give your email address and I’ll send the finished writing to your email address or by mail. thank you with all the best

 

Strong with the Force this one is. But write for us, he will not. 

About what
I have e to write?

 

It depends on how much wood a woodchuck is meant to chuck.

How many words is an article meant to have

We might have accepted this two years ago, when there was a toilet paper shortage. 

i want to submit tp writings. please give me guidelines or an email to send it to you. Thanks

If you’d bothered to read our guidelines, you’d already know. 

May I know about your payment

Good for you. And, if I happen upon someone who’s paying people for lack of effort, I’ll send them your way.

I want to write articles and get paid for the same.

One article? And, you’re not even going to tell us what it’s about?

I have written one article. But I don’t know how to Make that to publish. So can you please help me to publish

I WANTS U TO STOP YELLING AT ME!

I WANTS TO JOIN UR DESK FOR A WORK FROM HOME SIDE. I WANT TO WRITE ARTICLES FOR WRITERS WEEKLY. IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE TO BE A PART OF THIS . I DIDNT KNEW HOW TO APPLY FOR THIS SO I M FILLING THIS QUERY FROM.

Gee, our website seems to be working just fine. Sorry you wasted your time. 

I’m ready to work on the website, could you please tell me the instructions to start?

NO, no… You just keep your “item” right where it is. “We people” don’t wish to see it. 

I will love to share my item with you people

Here’s a topic that always tickles my fancy: “How to read writer’s guidelines”

On what topic should I write an article for you that you would accept?

Not looking for anyone to right for us. But, how well can you left?

please let me right for you.

“Me Tarzan! You Jane!!

i am article writer. I going to write an article.

Any bets on whether we actually even read his email?

SUBJECT LINE:
articale submission

Congrats on wasting a LOT of money on that degree (if you really actually have one). We’ve never heard of you and neither has Google so I doubt you’re actually a “social media influencer.” Oh, and which “blogger” are you planning to “start?” And, how are you going to do that? 

(She sent seven articles and none of them were about writing or publishing.)

I have finished my MBA and I am a Social Media Influencer. Now I am planning to start a Blogger.

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂

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Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).

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3 Responses to "World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For October, 2022! – by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor"

  1. Beth Casey  October 23, 2022 at 7:23 am

    Oh, but the “tp” one was quite funny.

  2. Linda G.  October 21, 2022 at 5:49 pm

    Angela you have far too much patience.
    Those are terrible.

    Yo?

    Cackle.

    • By Angela Hoy - Publisher of WritersWeekly.com  October 21, 2022 at 6:40 pm

      Actually, my patience wore thin long ago. That’s why we started this ongoing column. 😉

      Big hugs!
      Ang