Today’s host for this, our most popular column, is our Managing Editor, Brian Whiddon. (You KNOW he had fun with this!!)
Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.
We’ve been savings these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, I’ve saved the best for last!
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.
Are you ready? ENJOY!
We couldn’t decide whether to trash this because of it’s irrelevance to our publication, or to file it under “NO S###, Sherlock!”
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You’re going to be wanting a LONG time with a “query letter” like this.
i want to work with you
Just as long as you don’t have to write more than seven words, right??
I would really love being a writer
We are looking for writters rightt att tthis momentt…but only ones who can spell correctly.
Can I join writer weekly as one of your writters?
What do you think of “flugelbinder?” Or, how about “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?” How are those words?
Waiting for ur words…
ZERO from writers who don’t know correct grammar and punctuation.
How much article you accept from one user in a month
It depends… Do you know the secret handshake??
can i be accepted?
Great effort with the ONE period between “mail” and “thank you.” Oh, and by the way, NO.
please give me a writing job please get my writing work from (removed) please send my writing job by email and then give your email address and I’ll send the finished writing to your email address or by mail. thank you with all the best
Strong with the Force this one is. But write for us, he will not.
I have e to write?
It depends on how much wood a woodchuck is meant to chuck.
How many words is an article meant to have
We might have accepted this two years ago, when there was a toilet paper shortage.
i want to submit tp writings. please give me guidelines or an email to send it to you. Thanks
If you’d bothered to read our guidelines, you’d already know.
May I know about your payment
Good for you. And, if I happen upon someone who’s paying people for lack of effort, I’ll send them your way.
I want to write articles and get paid for the same.
One article? And, you’re not even going to tell us what it’s about?
I have written one article. But I don’t know how to Make that to publish. So can you please help me to publish
I WANTS U TO STOP YELLING AT ME!
I WANTS TO JOIN UR DESK FOR A WORK FROM HOME SIDE. I WANT TO WRITE ARTICLES FOR WRITERS WEEKLY. IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE TO BE A PART OF THIS . I DIDNT KNEW HOW TO APPLY FOR THIS SO I M FILLING THIS QUERY FROM.
Gee, our website seems to be working just fine. Sorry you wasted your time.
I’m ready to work on the website, could you please tell me the instructions to start?
NO, no… You just keep your “item” right where it is. “We people” don’t wish to see it.
I will love to share my item with you people
Here’s a topic that always tickles my fancy: “How to read writer’s guidelines”
On what topic should I write an article for you that you would accept?
Not looking for anyone to right for us. But, how well can you left?
please let me right for you.
“Me Tarzan! You Jane!!
i am article writer. I going to write an article.
Any bets on whether we actually even read his email?
Congrats on wasting a LOT of money on that degree (if you really actually have one). We’ve never heard of you and neither has Google so I doubt you’re actually a “social media influencer.” Oh, and which “blogger” are you planning to “start?” And, how are you going to do that?
(She sent seven articles and none of them were about writing or publishing.)
I have finished my MBA and I am a Social Media Influencer. Now I am planning to start a Blogger.
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.
Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂
- Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
- Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
- Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
- If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
- Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
- More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk
Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.
Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.
About The Author
Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).
Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.
WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.
BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."
Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.
PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!
Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.
Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)
See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.
ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy
BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
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ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE
90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy
Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.
We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!
Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor, which makes it fun for creative folks like you!
Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!
The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication
Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.
Oh, but the “tp” one was quite funny.
Angela you have far too much patience.
Those are terrible.
Actually, my patience wore thin long ago. That’s why we started this ongoing column. 😉