Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.
We’ve been savings these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, I’ve saved the best for last!
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes.
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.
FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME, I AM NOT A SIR!
Sir, i want to write your site in top 10. Sir if you tell me,i write it very quickly.
WELL, AT LEAST YOU GOT MY GENDER RIGHT BUT…
Dear Madam..! I have an researches idea about education systsm…
WOW! HOW DO YOU DO THAT? IS IT LIKE A SHAPESHIFTER TYPE OF EXERIENCE OR WHAT?
I want to become a feature article.
DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO WE ARE???
I am a sex writer in Srilanka I can write to your magazine I can write to the heart of the people Please say are you paid to me and how can I get paid
MUST BE SOMETHING IN THE WATER TODAY…
I was wanting to know if I could see what it would take to get a job? i’d love to be a short story writer. I have a great imagination and love to talk dirty and writing stories. I am great at sex and romance, and love stories.
FIRST, EARNING MONEY IS NOT A “RIGHT.” YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT. SECOND, EVERY EDITOR KNOWS THAT A “WRITER” WHO DOESN’T HAVE IDEAS IS NOT A REAL WRITER. REAL WRITERS HAVE MORE IDEAS THAN THEY’LL EVER HAVE TIME TO COVER.
I am a writer not knowing what to write. I write as a freelancer and yet, do not know what to write. You tell me and let me write. Let me write to earn and earn as my right.
IF YOU’D READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES, YOU’D KNOW THE ANSWER.
When am I supposed to send in my article for publication.
SERIOUSLY?!?! CLICK AND READ!!!
Am a writer, please what is the website all about
WERE YOU PLANNING TO SEND THAT ACTUAL QUERY…OR IS THIS IT?
I have a query about writing articles on marketing secrets…
OUR READERS ARE WRITERS, NOT DEVELOPERS. IF YOU’D BOTHERED TO ACTUALLY LOOK AT OUR HOMEPAGE, YOU’D KNOW THAT.
I want to write for you about the blog which is necessary for all the developers facing issues in the niche technologies.
email me i will sell my books
DOES THIS MEAN YOU DON’T WRITE HUMOR?
My blog is not a joke
WHAT YOU’RE REALLY SAYING IS YOU READ NEWS, AND THEN REWRITE IT. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE A REAL REPORTER WOULD NOT SIT AROUND AND SPAM EDITORS LIKE THIS.
I want to write about the news everyday, and keeping the people of the world informed.
IF YOU’RE A WRITER, SHOULDN’T YOU KNOW HOW TO SPELL THE WORD CORRECTLY?
I like to right in historical way, I often starts with a best quote according to niche.
RESOLVE WITH RESPECT… RESOLVE WITH RESPECT… ARRRGHHH! I CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO!!
I want to write unique articles and get money for these articles I will be glad if you resolve with respect
HOW ABOUT YOU READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES AND WE CAN MOVE ON FROM THERE?
Good morning, how are you? How to I join and write and get paid?
BRIAN SAYS YOU NEED TO LAND AN ASSIGNMENT BEFORE YOU START DISCUSSING LINKS.
I have gone through your guidelines and I would like to confirm with you that my article s will have a lot of reference links, out of which I would just require 1 do-follow link. the other links can be nullified/removed. Also, I am happy to share the links with you that will be used in my article. In the meantime, please find my recent published articles.
IF YOU CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO RESEARCH OUR PUBLICATION BEFORE CONTACTING US, WE CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO RESPOND TO YOUR EMAIL.
I wants to Write assignments,presentation, Articles Regarding to the field of agriculture and plant protection specially
THERE ARE COUNTLESS BOOKS ON THE MARKET THAT CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO BE A WRITER. I AM FAR TOO BUSY TO TRAIN YOU.
I want to earn my livelihood using this profession. Could you please guide me?
(FINGER HOVERING OVER DELETE KEY. FINGER POUNDING DELETE KEY.)
I would like to share some useful tips of herbs and its amazing properties which can be found locally and the society could get benefit from it.
SOBER UP BEFORE YOU CONTACT EDITORS.
I hav and article to publish
NEVER, EVER, EVER USE TEXTING SHORTHAND WHEN APPROACHING EDITORS! AND, NEVER, EVER, EVER PROMISE NO MISTAKES WHEN YOUR QUERY LETTER IS FULL OF THEM!!
Enthusiastic n energetic freelance content writer n blogger,i am always in ur reach to get quality piece of writing.i am certified creative writer and masters degree holder in english and diploma holder Tefl.so feel free to hire me for quality material without grammatical mistakes.
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.
Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂
- Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
- Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
- Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
- If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
- Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
- More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk
Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.
Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.
About The Author
Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).
Angela lives on a 52' Irwin Center Cockpit Ketch (sailboat) with her family and pets. Keep up with her family's adventurous liveaboard lifestyle at GotNoTanLines.com
WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.
BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."
Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.
PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!
Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.
Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)
See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.
ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy
BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
ANGELA ON FACEBOOK
ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE
90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy
Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.
We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts
and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!
Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor,
which makes it fun for creative folks like you!
Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!
How Many Copies Of Your Book Would You Have To Sell In Order To Break Even?
The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication
Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.