World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For December, 2020!

World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For December, 2020!

Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

We’ve been savings these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, I’ve saved the best for last!

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes.

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

That’s it? Do you have an article idea for us…or anything??
I am really looking forward to working with you.

I am interested in seeing what you have to send AFTER you read our writer’s guidelines. 
I am interested to send in my articles and it will be appreciated if you will acknowledge it

Well, let’s start with the basics, shall we? Correct capitalization, spelling, punctuation…
i want to be a writer for your cmpany

Never, ever share your financial woes with an editor. Doing so is extremely unprofessional.
I have two interesting stories typeset already but have been unable to publish because of cost. I need you to buy them.

Why would a writing-related publication be interested in this?
I was anxious, depressed and stressed out. And I had come to believe that I needed alcohol not only to help relax and unwind, but to survive.

How about YOU provide the topic, and tell me how you’ll cover it to the benefit of our readers?
You provide topic and keywords. I will write your article.

Um, what???
I notice That you need author So I come Up With That !

If you knew about marketing, you’d know how important it is to STUDY your market before approaching them for a sale.
hi i am keen to contribute articles to your ezine or website. I know about marketing.

If you’d read our writer’s guidelines, you’d know the answer to this question.
When I will get money? After writing an article or after some times?

Ooooh! Are you hitting on me?? Full disclosure before we meet: I’m NOT a sir.
I have a confidence for making you satisfied sir.

I will consider hiring you as a writer after you submit an appropriate query letter.
You can consider me as a content writer.I will try my best

Well, I am feeling a bit of frustration today but I’m not really into physical violence…
I hope you hit me to write for you

Pretty sure you sent this to the wrong publication, pal. Ha ha ha.
Your a disgrace and should be charged with inciting terrorist violence!

If you have odors, it’s a good thing you’re working from home.
I like sitting next to window overlooking waterfall and the odors with me in my thoughts jotting on paper.

Okay, you got the 600 words part right so it’s clear you read our writer’s guidelines. So, why didn’t you follow the rest of the instructions we provided?
how to submit an article which i have about 600 words

No scheming here, buddy. We need writers and our guidelines clearly state what we’re looking for.
I‘d like to know about your website’s writing scheme since I was unable to get anything out from it. The topics, the submission deadlines, and other relevant information including how to submit are just not transparent or readily available,so I’d be really glad if you’d let me know the procedure that I need to follow in order to become a full-fletched writer on the “writers weekly”

As soon as you submit a professional query letter, and receive an assignment from us.
When can i write a article

Well, this might work for fashion magazines but it won’t work for us.
Step by step instructions to look good without Spending a Fortune

If you’re looking for commissary funds, you’ve come to the wrong place! And, your “book proposal” tells me your books are not likely “exquisite work.”
I have 3 hand written books for sale….all are mine,exquisite work with impeccable delivery…. Please contact me asap,I’m in prison and I need $ ,willing to negotiate….thanks

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂

RELATED

Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.



Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.

About The Author

AngelaPortrait72dpismall_400x400

Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).

Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.

WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.

BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."

Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.

PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!

Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.

Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)


See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.


ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy


BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
https://www.facebook.com/booklockerbooks


ANGELA ON FACEBOOK
https://www.facebook.com/angela.hoy.750


ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
https://www.linkedin.com/pub/angela-hoy/78/719/390


Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
https://24hourshortstorycontest.com/



Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE

 



90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy



Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.

We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!

Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor, which makes it fun for creative folks like you!

Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!

 

How Many Copies Of Your Book Would You Have To Sell In Order To Break Even?




 



The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication


Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.







http://writersweekly.com/books/4693.html



3 Responses to "World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For December, 2020!"

  1. Martin A. David  December 27, 2020 at 7:39 pm

    Angela, you are hilarious. Many thanks for the chuckles. As a former editor I have seen so many of these. However, the one that shall live in my personal hall of fame is the “writer” who sent me a piece I had published in another magazine and under a pen name……..

  2. Pamela Allegretto  December 24, 2020 at 12:52 pm

    Thank you for this gift of laughter. Cheers to the entire BookLocker team for a happy and healthy New Year.

  3. Carrie Younce  December 24, 2020 at 6:23 am

    This might sound incredibly *racist* by today’s over-sensitive standards, but most of the queries sound/read as if they are poorly translated from an Asian dialect.

    I see this type of “English” dialog, more often than ever before, all over the Net.