Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.
We’ve been savings these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you!
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes. And, of course, I always save the best one for last!
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.
PLZ DON’T USE TEXTING SHORTHAND WHEN CONTACTING EDITORS! AND, NEVER ASSUME EVERY EDITOR IS A GUY!
Sir I want to start writing with your website plz guide me the steps
THIS IS ALWAYS A SURE SIGN THAT THE WRITER DIDN’T BOTHER TO LOOK AT OUR GUIDELINES AT ALL.
I’m not sure what I have written is submittable. I don’t really understand the guidelines, but I would like to submit a couple of writings. Would you be interested in reading them and then telling me if they are?
what is about to do
SO, LET ME SEE IF I’M UNDERSTANDING THIS CORRECTLY… YOU WANT ME TO PUBLISH YOUR BOOK FOR FREE AND THEN CONTACT YOU AFTERWARD? DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS THE WAY TO LAND A TRADITIONAL PUBLISHING CONTRACT??
If free publish my book then msg me
POST PRICE? I’M SO CONFUSED!! DO YOU WANT ME TO PAY YOU OR ARE YOU PAYING ME?
I need post on your site https://writersweekly.com/ Please tell me post price I am waiting your reply
PLEASE DON’T DRINK AND QUERY.
would like to submit some short articles faced on incidents till date and some collected
I’M PRETTY SURE YOU ARE NOT A PROFESSIONAL ARTICLE WRITER.
I am article writer and I’m doing this job for 4 years
DEMANDING A DOWN-PAYMENT OF CASH IS ABSOLUTELY LUDICROUS!
I have 10 different articles in several fields that I want to publish, but I do not trust to overuse my talent. I agree to work with you in exchange for a down payment of cash until I publish these articles to you.
IF YOU CAN’T REMEMBER TO CAPITALIZE AND SPELL CORRECTLY, WE AREN’T VERY CONFIDENT IN YOUR “EXPERIENCE.”
I am a new blogger.I am not so much experienced.But i am sure that i can create awesome feautre articles that can impress many people.So please accept my blogs and writings and pay according to its value.
IF YOU’RE SENDING OUT FIVE-WORD QUERIES LIKE THIS, NO, YOU’RE NOT.
I am a professional writer
WHILE I ALWAYS APPRECIATE EXCELLENT MANNERS, IT’S CLEAR THIS WRITER DIDN’T BOTHER TO EVEN GLANCE AT OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES.
Please, lend me any small project. I assure, you will love my work. Though I am a starter, my work may impress you. I aspire to work with you. Only pay if you are satisfied.
THERE ARE LOTS OF BOOKS ON THE MARKET THAT EXPLAIN WHAT A QUERY LETTER IS, AND HOW TO CREATE ONE.
I’m querying to write pitch an article
IT’S CLEAR YOU HAVE NEVER READ OUR WEBSITE AND KNOW NOTHING ABOUT OUR COMPANY.
I am passionate writer covering a wide range of Topics like Home Improvement, Swimming, Health, and many more. While surfing the Internet, I just found your website and it looks quite interesting to me. I’ve also read most of your blog pieces and I’d like to contribute a post on your website on one of the topics above.
IF YOU’RE GOING TO USE AN AUTO-SPAM PROGRAM WHEN APPROACHING EDITORS, BE SURE TO SET IT UP CORRECTLY!
I’ve been an avid reader of [Pet] for some time now – and I enjoy reading your blog on a regular basis. I am reaching out to you to contribute a high-quality post to your blog.
ONCE AGAIN, I AM NOT A SIR! AND, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, READ OUR GUIDELINES! ARRRGGGHHHH!!!
Good afternoon sir, I want to write an article for your website. I do not know how to submit it. Please help me.
IF A WRITER CAN’T TAKE THE TIME TO READ OUR GUIDELINES, I CAN’T WASTE MY TIME BY RESPONDING.
Which content should i write now that will be useful for yourself and refer me some of important topic that is need in current scenario.
YOU CLEARLY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT OUR WEBSITE AT ALL.
I am a big fan of your website. I can send you the topics I have in mind if you’re still open to new guest authors:
burning calories while running
How to run
running as stress relief
weight loss in running
running with friends
ANOTHER PUNCTUATION- AND GRAMMAR-CHALLENGED “PROFESSIONAL WRITER.”
I am asking about writing for you , I am so professional in writing short , long articles
UM, DUDE, THAT’S NOT OUR WEBSITE.
Please give me price for posting my article on your website.
FIRST OF ALL, I DON’T TAKE ORDERS FROM PEOPLE LOOKING FOR WRITING WORK. SECOND, I DON’T EDIT POETRY. THIRD, I’M NOT SURE IF YOU WANT ME TO READ “THIS” POETRY OR IF YOU WANT ME TO “DIS” YOUR POETRY.
Read angela dis poetry and edit
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.
Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂
- Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
- Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
- Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
- If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
- Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
- More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk
Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.
Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.
About The Author
Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).
Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.
WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.
BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."
Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.
PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!
Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.
Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)
See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.
ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy
BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
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Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE
90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy
Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.
We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!
Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor, which makes it fun for creative folks like you!
Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!
The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication
Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.
Thanks for the laughs.
Dear Sir Angela, (Just kidding)
You clearly state that these ‘worst queries’ are for real but I am having a hard time believing what I am reading. After reading thru all that was posted I think I know why some of them sound as they do. If English is not your first language, and you write as you speak, then that answers the question ‘what are you trying to say’, lol.
Thanks so much for putting these out for all the rest of us who truly do want to publish in your weekly and make perfect sense doing so! From now on, I will review these queries before I send mine to Writers Weekly. BTW, your picture and name are all over the publication and you don’t look like a ‘sir’ to me!
The last one is a six-word version of “Eats shoots and leaves.”
Always funny, but I feel sorry for the poor saps who are obviously clueless about their skills but believe they are truly competent writers.