World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For January, 2020!

World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For January, 2020!

Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

We’ve been savings these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you!

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes. And, of course, I always save the best one for last!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

PLZ DON’T USE TEXTING SHORTHAND WHEN CONTACTING EDITORS! AND, NEVER ASSUME EVERY EDITOR IS A GUY!

Sir I want to start writing with your website plz guide me the steps

THIS IS ALWAYS A SURE SIGN THAT THE WRITER DIDN’T BOTHER TO LOOK AT OUR GUIDELINES AT ALL.

I’m not sure what I have written is submittable. I don’t really understand the guidelines, but I would like to submit a couple of writings. Would you be interested in reading them and then telling me if they are?

UM…WHAT?

what is about to do

SO, LET ME SEE IF I’M UNDERSTANDING THIS CORRECTLY… YOU WANT ME TO PUBLISH YOUR BOOK FOR FREE AND THEN CONTACT YOU AFTERWARD? DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS THE WAY TO LAND A TRADITIONAL PUBLISHING CONTRACT??

If free publish my book then msg me

POST PRICE? I’M SO CONFUSED!! DO YOU WANT ME TO PAY YOU OR ARE YOU PAYING ME?

I need post on your site https://writersweekly.com/ Please tell me post price I am waiting your reply

PLEASE DON’T DRINK AND QUERY.

would like to submit some short articles faced on incidents till date and some collected 

I’M PRETTY SURE YOU ARE NOT A PROFESSIONAL ARTICLE WRITER.

I am article writer and I’m doing this job for 4 years

DEMANDING A DOWN-PAYMENT OF CASH IS ABSOLUTELY LUDICROUS!

I have 10 different articles in several fields that I want to publish, but I do not trust to overuse my talent. I agree to work with you in exchange for a down payment of cash until I publish these articles to you.

IF YOU CAN’T REMEMBER TO CAPITALIZE AND SPELL CORRECTLY, WE AREN’T VERY CONFIDENT IN YOUR “EXPERIENCE.”

I am a new blogger.I am not so much experienced.But i am sure that i can create awesome feautre articles that can impress many people.So please accept my blogs and writings and pay according to its value.

IF YOU’RE SENDING OUT FIVE-WORD QUERIES LIKE THIS, NO, YOU’RE NOT. 

I am a professional writer

WHILE I ALWAYS APPRECIATE EXCELLENT MANNERS, IT’S CLEAR THIS WRITER DIDN’T BOTHER TO EVEN GLANCE AT OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES. 

Please, lend me any small project. I assure, you will love my work. Though I am a starter, my work may impress you. I aspire to work with you. Only pay if you are satisfied.

THERE ARE LOTS OF BOOKS ON THE MARKET THAT EXPLAIN WHAT A QUERY LETTER IS, AND HOW TO CREATE ONE. 

I’m querying to write pitch an article

IT’S CLEAR YOU HAVE NEVER READ OUR WEBSITE AND KNOW NOTHING ABOUT OUR COMPANY.

I am passionate writer covering a wide range of Topics like Home Improvement, Swimming, Health, and many more. While surfing the Internet, I just found your website and it looks quite interesting to me. I’ve also read most of your blog pieces and I’d like to contribute a post on your website on one of the topics above.

IF YOU’RE GOING TO USE AN AUTO-SPAM PROGRAM WHEN APPROACHING EDITORS, BE SURE TO SET IT UP CORRECTLY!

Greetings [writersweekly],
I’ve been an avid reader of [Pet] for some time now – and I enjoy reading your blog on a regular basis. I am reaching out to you to contribute a high-quality post to your blog.

ONCE AGAIN, I AM NOT A SIR! AND, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, READ OUR GUIDELINES! ARRRGGGHHHH!!!

Good afternoon sir, I want to write an article for your website. I do not know how to submit it. Please help me.

IF A WRITER CAN’T TAKE THE TIME TO READ OUR GUIDELINES, I CAN’T WASTE MY TIME BY RESPONDING. 

Which content should i write now that will be useful for yourself and refer me some of important topic that is need in current scenario.
thanking you

YOU CLEARLY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT OUR WEBSITE AT ALL. 

I am a big fan of your website. I can send you the topics I have in mind if you’re still open to new guest authors:

burning calories while running
How to run
running as stress relief
weight loss in running
running with friends

ANOTHER PUNCTUATION- AND GRAMMAR-CHALLENGED “PROFESSIONAL WRITER.”  

I am asking about writing for you , I am so professional in writing short , long articles

UM, DUDE, THAT’S NOT OUR WEBSITE.

Please give me price for posting my article on your website.
https://www.healthline.com/

FIRST OF ALL, I DON’T TAKE ORDERS FROM PEOPLE LOOKING FOR WRITING WORK. SECOND, I DON’T EDIT POETRY. THIRD, I’M NOT SURE IF YOU WANT ME TO READ “THIS” POETRY OR IF YOU WANT ME TO “DIS” YOUR POETRY. 

Read angela dis poetry and edit

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂

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3 Responses to "World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For January, 2020!"

  1. Pamela Allegretto  January 25, 2020 at 12:29 pm

    Thanks for the laughs.

  2. Jennifer Lincoln  January 24, 2020 at 11:23 am

    Dear Sir Angela, (Just kidding)
    You clearly state that these ‘worst queries’ are for real but I am having a hard time believing what I am reading. After reading thru all that was posted I think I know why some of them sound as they do. If English is not your first language, and you write as you speak, then that answers the question ‘what are you trying to say’, lol.
    Thanks so much for putting these out for all the rest of us who truly do want to publish in your weekly and make perfect sense doing so! From now on, I will review these queries before I send mine to Writers Weekly. BTW, your picture and name are all over the publication and you don’t look like a ‘sir’ to me!

  3. Chris Norbury  January 24, 2020 at 8:57 am

    The last one is a six-word version of “Eats shoots and leaves.”

    Always funny, but I feel sorry for the poor saps who are obviously clueless about their skills but believe they are truly competent writers.