Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes. And, of course, I save the best one for last!
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.
A FIVE WORD QUERY COMPLETELY DEVOID OF PUNCTUATION:
To write articles for publishers
ONE SHOULD NEVER QUERY AFTER DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE.
I would like to participate in the writing and get paid for it,o don’t know much about how this works but would love to get paid for why I write …
THIS IS THE SECOND “FREE WRITER” WE HAVE HEARD FROM. WHAT IS THAT? AND, WHY WOULD I WANT TO WORK WITH SOMEONE WHOSE WRITING WILL OBVIOUSLY NEED TONS OF EDITING?
Granted as a free writer my knowledge of correct technique in grammar and punctuation is limited.
FIRST, READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES. SECOND, READ YOUR QUERY BEFORE SUBMITTING…AND THEN READ IT AGAIN.
Hello. I really interested in sharing my vivid imagination. I know that I can put out some interesting page turners.
YOU WANT TO GET WHAT EXACTLY? AND, WE DON’T PUBLISH POETRY.
I love to write i am a poet and i want to get for doing the writing
IF SOMEONE TRULY WANTS TO BE SUCCESSFUL AT GETTING WORK, THEY WILL RESEARCH A COMPANY BEFORE APPROACHING THEM.
I want to work. How you can give me work.
THE SHORTEST QUERY WE’VE EVER RECEIVED! OF COURSE, WE DID NOT RESPOND.
IF YOU CAN LEARN CORRECT SPACING AND PUNCTUATION, AND READ OUR GUIDELINES, WE’LL BE HAPPY TO TALK TO YOU.
How can I be part of the team ? I mean the writers team
ALWAYS READ A PUBLICATION’S WRITER’S GUIDELINES BEFORE CONTACTING THEM. THERE IS A LINK TO OURS ON THE TOP OF EVERY PAGE ON OUR WEBSITE.
How can I get an article assigned for me to write?
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FASTER TO CLICK ON OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES LINK THAN IT WAS TO SEND US THIS EMAIL.
I have heard from other sources that you give some amount if someone submits an article. If this is the case, then I must wait for your submission policy in detail.
I DON’T CO-AUTHOR ARTICLES. OH, DID YOU MEAN WEBSITE??? PLEASE USE CORRECT PUNCTUATION WHEN CONTACTING EDITORS, AND USE THE CORRECT TERMINOLOGY AS WELL.
i”ll like to write for your article
WHAT WORDS? WHAT WORDS?! I HAVE TO RESPOND ASAP BUT YOU HAVEN’T TOLD ME WHAT YOU WANT!!!
So Please know me your words ASAP…
PLEASE DON’T WASTE YOUR AND ANYONE ELSE’S TIME BY SENDING POINTLESS QUERIES LIKE THIS ONE.
I want to ask that we can write on any topic we want or there is a specific topic. Please answer me so that I can start it quickly.
WHILE IT’S INTERESTING SHE PUT THE NAME OF OUR PUBLICATION IN HER QUERY, IT’S OBVIOUS SHE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT US. I DO NOT RESPOND TO THESE TYPES OF QUERIES.
I wanna write at writers weekly please tell me something about it , I mean how to write on it
I’ve 3 article for you, I’m wondering to know for submitting my article or there is another way?
THIS QUERY LETTER INSPIRES ZERO CONFIDENCE IN THIS PERSON’S ABILITY TO WRITE.
Hi there I’m an author writer into writing any piece that worthwhile reading. Check my book 1 here
YES, THOUSANDS OF WRITERS WANT TO SELL THEIR ARTICLES. BUT, EXACTLY WHAT DO YOU WANT TO WRITE ABOUT AND CAN YOU PLEASE USE CORRECT CAPITALIZATION AND SPELLING?
hello, please i want to sell my articles
THIS WAS THE THIRD EMAIL WE RECEIVED FROM A WRITER PITCHING ARTICLES ON STEM CELLS, CANCER, AND PERIODONTAL DISEASES. IF HE CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO RESEARCH OUR PUBLICATION, WE CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO RESPOND TO HIS STRING OF EMAILS.
Are you interested or not?? Please know me ASAP…
AFTER TELLING AN AUTHOR HIS BOOK CONTAINED TOO MANY ERRORS, AND THAT PUBLISHING SUCH A BOOK WILL HARM HIS AND OUR REPUTATIONS:
Please, just go ahead and publish it. I need it back on the market.
(WE DECLINED, OF COURSE!)
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.
Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂
- Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
- Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
- Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
- If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
- Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
- More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk
Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.
Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.
About The Author
Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).
Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.
WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.
BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."
Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.
PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!
Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.
Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)
See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.
ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy
BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
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ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE
90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy
Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.
We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!
Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor, which makes it fun for creative folks like you!
Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!
The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication
Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.
I truly hope none of these are from those whose first language is English!
Please tell me you made these query letters up, please, please, please!
No, I did not. 🙂
Angela Hoy, Publisher
This always makes my day. Thanks Angela!
I have shared some of these querys with the members of Abilene Writers Guild to remind them why I preach so often about carefully reading rules and guidelines for contests and other submissions!