Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.
We’ve been savings these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, I’ve saved the best for last!
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.
Are you ready? ENJOY!
LIAR LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE. YOU HAVE NEVER READ ANYTHING ON OUR WEBSITE.
I just read some of your blogs and found you have amazingly covered every topic. In this line, do you want to cover a topic on wellness, FItness, Lifestyle, and Technology?
WOW! YOU’VE TAKING BIBLIOPHILE TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL!
I want to be a book
WELL, FIRST YOU LEARN HOW TO CORRECTLY APPROACH AN EDITOR…
How can I get money by writing?
IT’S WRITERSWEEKLY.COM (NOT ORG) AND WE DON’T HIRE WRITERS WHO DON’T USE PUNCTUATION.
Dear writer weekly org
I would love to summit an article on how to make money writing articles for different sites please be am anxiously waiting for your approval
READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES TO AVOID WASTING MY TIME AND YOURS
My name is (removed), and I would like to publish an article in WritersWeekly.com. I am a beginner freelance copywriter. I will be glad to further cooperation! What article would you like to receive? Please give me a task.
READ MY COMMENT ABOVE.
Please let me know about the process to submit article. Do I need to write on the topic of my choice or will it be given?
NO, THEY ARE NOT.
My editing and proofreading skills are quite well.
THIS IS SPAM. WE DO NOT RESPOND TO SPAM AND OTHER EDITORS DON’T, EITHER.
I am (name removed), a freelancer who provides you articles for your product and website. We will write 800+ word articles including each and every single detail related to your product. Also you can provide information of what kind of post you want.
Article cost $80 via PayPal.
If you are interested then please ping us back.
Waiting for your reply.
YOU DIDN’T READ OUR GUIDELINES, YOUR SPACE BAR IS ON THE BLINK, AND ADDRESSING AN EDITOR WITH “HEY” IS EXTREMELY DISRESPECTFUL AND UNPROFESSIONAL. IF YOU CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO READ OUR GUIDELINES, I CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO RESPOND TO YOU.
I want to write for your publication.I love to write something novel and creative .Assign me topic or field i ll love to write on current issue,social problem,education etc
YOUR “QUERY” IS NOT CREATIVE AND, WITH YOUR PUNCTUATION PROBLEMS, I SERIOUSLY DOUBT YOU’RE A PROFESSIONAL WRITER.
I am creative writer .
I want to write articles with you
IF YOU’D REALLY READ OUR GUIDELINES, YOU’D HAVE NOT SENT THE EMAIL BELOW.
I have read the guidelines, and I can confidently say I am ready to write for this eminent cooperation.
I HAD TO READ THIS ONE TWICE. AND, THEN I LAUGHED AND LAUGHED, AND MOVED THE EMAIL TO MY TRASH.
I have an ~3000 word essay which I want to publish! There is no angle to this, I just want it off my hands.
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.
Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂
- Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
- Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
- Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
- If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
- Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
- More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk
Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.
Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.
About The Author
Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).
Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.
WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.
BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."
Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.
PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!
Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.
Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)
See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.
ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy
BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
ANGELA ON FACEBOOK
ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE
90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy
Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.
We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!
Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor, which makes it fun for creative folks like you!
Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!
The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication
Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.