It’s that time again!! The non-sensical emails with off topic pitches, badly worded questions, and meaningless statements keep rolling in. Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

We’ve been saving these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, we’ve saved the best for last!

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

Are you ready? ENJOY!

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I would really like to work and get paid
-Congratulations. You have a better work ethic than a large percentage of the United States.

How can I write for yo
– I’m not sure. But if I ever meet “yo,” I’ll let him know you’re looking to write for him.

Query is very simple which might be interesting. Does Intelligence makes people great?
– Very simple, yes. Interesting, no. Does Intelligence makes people great? No, but it can make them far less annoying. So does reading our guidelines before sending us an irrelevant pitch.

I have an article of 1000 words ??? Hope to hear back from you..
– You wrote a 1000-word article and you couldn’t spare 100 to describe it???

I will love working with you
– I don’t know. I’ve been described as quite the insufferable S.O.B. at times. In fact, one disgruntled writer called me a SLUG!!!

Hello, I hope you are having a great day! I saw your website link and was interested. I came to your website and i saw “write for us!”. I would like to write for you if it pays me money. If this is the case where i can write to get paid. I would like to join. If not i wouldn’t like to.
– So let me get this straight… You checked out our website. You saw a link titled “WRITE FOR US.” And, instead of clicking on it, you wrote us an email instead, asking how to write for us?

I am a blogger as well as writer i write mostly about current affairs, travel blogs,real incident,and many more i will be waiting for your response mam
– Response to what? All you’ve done is sent me proof that you don’t know how to WRITE!!

I need a job. So a few months ago i decided to become writer. That’s why i sent this comment to you guys.
– And???

how much do i get paid for 1 article i write in this website? and do i have to work according to this website or i can work when i have free time?
– I don’t think you’ll need to worry about working according to our website. I’m happy to inform you that we won’t be depriving you of any of your free time.

New blood test that screens for Alzheimer’s may be a step closer to reality
– Thanks for reaching out but your article doesn’t fit into our… Wait, what did you say again? Where’d I put my Jello?

I have this interesting article and I want to post it here
– Hmmmm. Very interesting…

How many dollars give me per article
– How many articles give me per dollar?

how can i sell my article to u all?
– First, “u” can start by learning how to capitalize and spell correctly.

How to start writing
– 1) Open Laptop. Push Buttons
OR
2) Touch pen tip to paper. Move fingers and wrist.

Hello dear
I am *******. I am from ********* and I am currently working as a freelancer and I do content writing, blog post, Article writing and some other thing. so the reason I m here that I read some where about your website that you guys hire Article writer and paid them for every Article they wrote so is Their any chance that I can show you my writing skill i just need a chance to prove myself ,any topic you want I will write you a unique Article .
Thankyou
– Hey Darlin,
I am Brian. I’m from the U.S. It’s impressive that you are involved in content writing, blog posts, articles and “some other thing.” But, you’re just not what we’re looking for. Not that we’re racist, or “phobic” or don’t like folks from your side of the world. It’s just that, if we published your work – knowing as little as you do about writing in the English language – people over here in the English-speaking world would get tired of reading our publication, and think we were stupid or something. But, hey, look at the silver lining. A piece of your work DID get published here on our website. Congratulations.

I would like to write articles to you .Already written many blogs for blogger.com .let us know about the content details also know about the payment .
– Well, make up your/y’alls mind. Is it “you” or “we” that want to write for us???

Wanted to kind of make a some what of an article to teach people whole to get them self out there and getting the book published
– I’m going to have to kind of deny your some what of an article idea – more or less.

How many you me paid by article?
– What in the Sam Hill are you talking about?

Want to contribute writing skill
– Contribute writing skill? Well, we’re all full up on writing skill. Can you loan me some musical skill? I’ve been trying to learn some new songs on the harmonica.

Hi there,
I am a doctor and interested in working in different fields such as medicine and even marketing, but I would like to know which subjects or fields are allowed to work. Let me know .
all the best
Dr. *******
– Hi Doc. I have no idea why you contacted us. Perhaps you could try marketing medicine. I hear that can be profitable.

hello there , i am really into writing about things so can u check me out so that i can write for your company and get payed. i got a paypal account.
– Howdy. I am glad you are really into writing about things. Now, if you will just get into learning about capitalization, spelling, and proper punctuation, you might find someone willing to pay for your writing.

I will write best artical for you
– Not likely since you can’t spell “ARTICLE” correctly.

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂

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Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.