Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.
We’ve been savings these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, I’ve saved the best for last!
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes.
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.
Well, I’m pretty sure that means you’re not a good fit for us…
I want to write a review paper but I did not understand how to write… I dont have an idea about this
As soon as you read our writer’s guidelines, send us a proper query, and receive an assignment!
When can i get started writing my article
If you’re contacting a writing- and publishing-related website about an article on quantum physics, you are NOT a professional writer.
I’m a professional writer and I’ll like to collaborate with your site writing articles on quantum physics news & related issues.
1. Fix your spell-check. 2. Buy a book on how to land writing assignments.
I hope youre doing well I would love to start writing articles and get paid but I dont know what it takes to start, I was kindly requesting for your guidance Thank you goodevening
In this industry, a question is NOT a query.
My query is, how do I start writing for your organization?
The topic “online” is pretty broad, don’tcha think?
I had already sent you an email based on the topic “online”. Please see it and give my topic for writing.
I never like pushy people who automatically assume I will hire them just because they send me an email.
I would like to get paid for writing articles as I have brilliant ideas whilst the ample amount of quarantine time I have. I have my personal blog site, please contact me through my mail and let’s get ahead with the procedure.
That’s a very good question! Did you have an article idea in mind or are you just asking a random stranger (me) for personal advice?
How can I live my life, being happy, successful and guiding others?
After you read our guidelines, send in a proper query, receive an assignment from us, and learn how to spell the word send.
When can I sent my article?
Why in the world would a writing- and publishing-related website be interested in these topics?
I would like to pitch the topic of Sexism In Bollywood movies with different periods and Evolution of education system.
I’m interested to know why your email program doesn’t have a spell-check function.
Im interesyed to write articles with you.
Why is he yelling at me???
SO I SEND YOU ARTICLE
I HAVE ARTICLES FOR YOU
I AM WAITING FOR YOUR POSITIVE RESPONSE
I actually get a very good idea about someone’s writing style when they send in a REAL query letter!
I will share my articles with you so that you get a hint of how I write
I don’t even know what this means but I feel sorry for her all the same.
I am a false-positive dreamer
If you were that creative, you’d have created an article idea, and sent in a query letter…per our guidelines.
I am a creative writer and I am willing to work
Our payment amounts and details are in our writer’s guidelines.
If my article you selected then where from i the next procedures and payment details…
Professional writers never approach publications in this manner.
I am a professional writer having experience over two years. I want to write articles for you , I am waiting for your response.
i no questions or any problem I’m happy for this arrangement in trade trust that you’ll hold up your end of your baron with the pay and with my valuable bank account.
For the last time, I am NOT A SIR! And, artifacts are for archeology magazines!!
i write some ARTICLE for one website i will send you link under it now i want write artifacts for your website if you allow me
Gosh, I’ve never done that. I know you need some ropes, some clip thingies, and an actual mountain, right?
How to summit ?
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.
Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂
- Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
- Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
- Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
- If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
- Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
- More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk
Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.
Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.
About The Author
Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).
Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.
WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.
BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."
Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.
PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!
Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.
Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)
See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.
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90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy
Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.
We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!
Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor, which makes it fun for creative folks like you!
Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!
The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication
Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.
Thanks Angela. Very entertaining as always.
Funny, but kind of sad. I hope these poor souls have good day jobs.
It’s hard to believe that these comments were submitted. I’ve read that agents receive poorly written queries often but I never realized how bad they were.
Every time I see one of these installments, I get the impression that the majority of these queries are from non-native English speaking people. It is hard to imagine that a native speaker would write so poorly.
Not hard at all. Most Americans who are native speakers have real problems writing as well as thinking logically.
“If my article you selected then where from i the next procedures and payment details…”
I think that one was from Yoda…
HA HA HA HA HA! I think you’re right!!!
Thank you so much! I especially love your answer to the “summit” question!