Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.
We’ve been savings these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, I’ve saved the best for last!
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes.
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.
UM, PRETTY SURE I CAN’T TRUST “ON” YOU…
I am a writer. So you can trust on me.
GREAT, BUT CAN YOU USE CORRECT PUNCTUATION…OR ANY PUNCTUATION AT ALL?
I can type whatever you want
I’M PRETTY SURE THAT THREE-HOUR THING IS AN EXAGGERATION, ESPECIALLY SINCE THIS PERSON SENT THE EXACT SAME EMAIL SEVERAL DAYS IN A ROW.
I want to use this medium to tell you that I want to submit my article to your site and I did not get or know where to find the submit button. I have tried to find out for complete 3 hours now.
HMMM… WHERE SHOULD I BEGIN?
1. DON’T USE TEXTING SHORTHAND WHEN CONTACTING EDITORS.
2. USE CORRECT SPELLING.
3. WHY WOULD A WRITING-RELATED PUBLICATION BE INTERESTED IN AN ARTICLE ON DEPRESSION?
4. ARE ALL THE PUNCTUATION KEYS ON YOUR KEYBOARD BROKEN?
I want to write short articles 500 words or 600 words if u give me topics Soo I write on more topics (recently I write on this topic depression) if u allow me then I share this topic with u
OKAY…BUT WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT TO WRITE ABOUT, AND HOW WILL IT BENEFIT OUR READERS?
I want to write for you guys
KINDLY INFORM US WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED READING OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES. AND, IS IT JUST ME OR IS THERE AN EPIDEMIC OF BROKEN PUNCTUATION KEYS???
kindly inform me when am I supposed to be given an assignment
I DO NOT RESPOND TO FORM-DRIVEN PITCHES LIKE THIS WHETHER THERE ARE GRAMMAR PROBLEMS OR NOT.
WritersWeekly.com is best WebSite I want Article writing and guide me.
WELL, FIRST YOU READ SOME BOOKS ON HOW TO WRITE CORRECTLY. THEN, YOU INVESTIGATE WHY YOUR (AND APPARENTLY MOST OTHER PEOPLE’S) PUNCTUATION KEYS ARE NOT WORKING!
How can I write good articles that can be approved by any website
IGNORING HER OBVIOUS USE OF A NON-EXISTENT WORD, THIS IS AN EXTREMELY UNPROFESSIONAL PITCH. SHE IS BASICALLY ADMITTING THAT HER WRITING IS BAD.
Hello, I would like to know if the pay is guaranteed wheater you like the writing or not.
PRETTY SURE YOU ARE NOT REALLY A TEACHER. IF YOU ARE, I’M GLAD MY CHILD ISN’T IN YOUR CLASS.
I am a teacher and expert writing article
WELL, AREN’T WE FULL OF OURSELVES TODAY?!
i will give you service and you will pay for it
I KNOW THAT MOST WRITERS ENJOY READING THEIR OWN WORK BUT “EUPHORIA” IS A BIT OF A STRETCH.
I want to write on your website . And you can see my blog I have given my site . And also I want to write because of my euphoria .
THE SITE IS WRITERSWEEKLY. YOU GOT IT BACKWARDS. AND, I CAN’T HIRE WRITERS WHO DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE CORRECT PUNCTUATION.
How can I make money on weekly writers with my stories and article, I want to know
I’M SO EXHAUSTED AFTER READING THIS RUN-ON SENTENCE THAT I CAN’T FIND THE ENERGY TO RESPOND TO THE WRITER.
How do I get started with your website with respect to your topics deadlines for submission criteria for writing who am I to direct the article to after writing and how soon do I get paid after finish writing.
WELL, IF YOU READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES, AND FOLLOWED THE INSTRUCTIONS THEREIN, THAT WOULD HAVE “PROVEN” YOU CAN AT LEAST FOLLOW DIRECTIONS.
I want to write article.Please give me the option, so i can prove myself.
YOUR SPACE BAR IS ON THE BLINK….BUT ONLY WHEN YOU TRY TO USE IT BETWEEN SENTENCES. AND, THEN THERE ARE THE PUNCTUATION AND SPELLING ERRORS SO…NO THANK YOU.
I am a freelancing writer,l.I am interested to submit an article.This article contains 531 words and have details about 2 platforms which helps writers to earn money through there writing skills
IT’S RIGHT THERE ON OUR WEBSITE IN BLACK AND WHITE (WITH SOME BLUE THROWN IN AS WELL). PLEASE READ OUR WRITER’S GUIDELINES.
Just want to know how it works
ANOTHER VICTIM OF SPACE BAR FAILURE. AND, PLEASE DO NOT TELL EDITORS YOU ARE “GOOD IN ENGLISH” WHEN IT’S OBVIOUS YOU ARE NOT.
I can write article about any topic you provide.Iam good in english currently iam doing my diploma studies.
SHWEW! I’M GLAD IT’S OKAY! I WAS STARTING TO GET WORRIED AND I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHY!!
Hello, it’s okay, I’m Brazilian, I’m getting in touch, because I’m interested in working with you writing articles.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! (We’re not THAT type of publication.)
I penned down an article and I would like it to be punished if you like it.
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.
Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂
- Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
- Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
- Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
- If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
- Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
- More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk
Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.
Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.
About The Author
Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).
Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.
WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.
BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."
Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.
PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!
Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.
Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)
See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.
ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy
BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
ANGELA ON FACEBOOK
ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE
90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy
Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.
We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!
Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor, which makes it fun for creative folks like you!
Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!
The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication
Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.
I’m doubling over in laughter at the last one. Thank you for sharing this.
This really made my day. Thanks!
Thank you. We need all the humor we can get. Cheers!
Alright, it is obvious that most of the queries are from non-native English speakers. If, on the other hand, they aren’t — then these folks are beyond hopeless!
It amazes me that something written so badly doesn’t simply ‘jump up and bite them’.
These letters are always funny and I look forward to reading them.
Thank you for publishing these bad query letters. They gave me a chuckle and made my day.