Howdy all. I’m back to share a little tale I’d like to file under the category of “Life With Angela is Never Dull.”

If you’ve been following WritersWeekly for any time at all, you already know that Angela is quite the crusader when it comes to protecting the writing community from scammers. If she had her way (and who knows, maybe God is listening to her), there would be a special corner of hell for those vermin where the fires burn hot and the only liquid available for drinking would be stale buffalo pee.

Lately, as we’ve been uncovering literally over a thousand scam operations coming out of Pakistan, the Philippines, and India, the hate mail oozing into Angela’s email box has increased substantially. It’s annoying but, other than a little extra strain to her “DELETE” finger, it’s more or less inconsequential.

Well, this morning I had to drive down the mountain to meet with our pastor. I lead the security team for our church and, occasionally, I meet with him to discuss the general status of things.

Our pastor, Brother Eddie, is the best preacher Angela and I have ever known. He’s one of those straight-talking men of God who doesn’t sugar-coat things. He’s not soft spoken. He preaches with a strong southern accent, and has a genuineness that is rare in the clergy. He’s quick to admit that he struggles with sin just as much as anyone else in his congregation.

I had just strolled into Brother Eddie’s office, and exchanged the common southern niceties as I sat down across from his desk. I still had my Bluetooth earpiece in my ear as I’d been listening to the news on my way to the church. We’d just started getting down to business when my phone rang. (Nope, I hadn’t silenced the ringer.) I recognized Angela’s ring tone and wouldn’t have answered if it had been anyone else. I apologized to Brother Eddie and, picking up my phone, I swiped the screen to answer the call.

Now, the particular Bluetooth earpiece I use has a unique flaw that I cannot seem to correct. I can be listening to a podcast or a radio show in my earpiece but, when the phone rings and I answer it, where exactly the audio will be directed is anyone’s guess. More times than I can count, I either tap the “answer” button on the earpiece, or swipe my screen to answer, and the start of the conversation (on my end) sounds like this: “Hello? Hello? Oops!  WAIT HANG ON. HELLO? Are you there? Wait … hold on! HELLO?” All of this as I’m tapping the button, swiping my screen, putting the phone up to my ear, and checking the screen to see what the little icons are telling me about where the sound is being sent. And, if I’m in my truck, which ALSO has a Bluetooth receiver in it, all bets are off. I don’t know whether to pick up the phone, hit the earpiece button, punch the “answer” button on the steering wheel, or just drive off a cliff and avoid the whole hullaballoo completely. People calling me must think I’m an idiot.

Well, my Bluetooth didn’t disappoint. I swiped that screen, and said, “Hello,” expecting to hear Angela in my ear, and to find out if this was an emergency call.

But, no.

As I’m casually leaning back in my seat, saying “hello,” I suddenly hear Angela’s voice coming from the phone. So, I bolt back upright, and put the phone up to my ear saying, “Hey, what’s up?”

Now, Angela has a voice that carries. I mean, I can be in a room full of 500 people all talking at once. If Angela is having a conversation with someone in that room, I will know exactly where she is because her voice can overpower everyone else there, especially if she’s fired up about whatever the conversation is. And, today, she was fired up!

I’m not sure I got all the way past the “up” in “What’s Up” when she began:

“I just got an email through the book submission link on BookLocker! You won’t believe this! The email address was listed as F***AngelaHoy@gmail.com! They listed their name as F*** You B**ch, and the book title was I WANT F*** ANGELA HOY!”

I didn’t have the phone on speaker but I might as well have. And, Angela didn’t censor herself. (She later told me she thought I was still driving.) So, the F-bombs were loud and clear. At the first one, I looked over at Eddie and his eyes were wide. At the second one, he kind of flinched, and quickly looked around the room a bit. The third one got a full body jerk, his hands gripping the desk, and his eyes darting back and forth like he was looking for an escape route. But, I could also tell he was fighting not to laugh out loud.

I calmly told Angela that the writer was likely in a foreign country because they left off the “to” in “I Want F*** Angela Hoy.” I added that she should keep her gun nearby just in case and that I’d be home soon. I then let her know that I was sitting in Eddie’s office and that I needed to hang up, and continue our meeting.

Once I put the phone down, Brother Eddie just chimed in with “Y’all got some problems up on the homestead?” in an obviously jesting voice. I let him know what we’ve been up to with the scammers and that they aren’t happy with us.

He asked, “What do you think she feels safer with next to her, that gun or you?” I laughed and told him it was probably a toss-up.

I think if it was any other pastor, I probably would have been a little embarrassed. But, I could tell that Brother Eddie was really more amused than he was shocked at the language. I’m sure he still thinks Angela and I are good, upstanding members of the church.

Or, does he???

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Brian Whiddon is the Managing Editor of WritersWeekly.com and the Operations Manager at BookLocker.com. An Army vet and former police officer, Brian is the author of Blue Lives Matter: The Heart behind the Badge. He’s an avid sailor, having lived and worked aboard his 36-foot sailboat, the “Floggin’ Molly” for 9 years after finding her abandoned in a boat yard and re-building her himself. Now, in northern Georgia, when not working on WritersWeekly and BookLocker, he divides his off-time between hiking, hunting, and farming.

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Angela Hoy lives on a mountain in North Georgia. She is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the President and CEO of BookLocker.com and AbuzzPress, and the author of 24 books.

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Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
Learn more here: https://24hourshortstorycontest.com/