Yes, it’s time once again to tickle our readers’ funny bones, and ruffle some snowflake feathers! If you want a road map of how to NEVER land a paid writing job, you’ve come to the right place!  Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

Get ready to be shocked and amazed!

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I write articles about anything

Really? Anything? Can you start with an article on reading the writer’s guidelines before offering articles on anything?

 

Hello..
Feel glad to found this awesome website to share our openion.Hope I will provide you better service as u Deserve.

HI…
Feel glad you too found us and shared ur openion. But believe we Deserve better service than this.

 

I’d love to write a fun, inspiring article for your site. It will be about how to turn one’s love of video games into a career. Any interest in allowing me to write on that topic for your website? Please let me know.

I’ll get back to you when I’m finished playing my video game.

 

everything is clear for me

Well, that makes sense. The rain is gone.

 

will wrting articals for this website help me in future

Probably not … at least until you learn to spell “writing” and “articles.”

 

Can I get paid for posting articles about flexible side hustles?

Sorry. I’m not very flexible and I’m too old to hustle.

 

An Open Letter to my Parents Regarding my Prescription for Medicinal Cannabis – By (name removed)

I am 46 years old and I have been making my own medical decisions since I was 18. You have elected to kick me out of your lives because of my decision to use cannabis as a medication. I am a grown ass adult and you don’t dictate how I medicate (etc., etc., etc.)…

At 46 years old, either smoke weed or don’t smoke weed. Nobody cares. But, submitting a whiny, 600-word “open letter” to Mommy and Daddy at your age isn’t the way to launch a professional writing career.

 

So, I like to write. Real life things, no fairy tales, or political things. I write from an ADHD perspective so my humor can be dark or down right hilarious. So why did mention all the above names for whom I’m inquiring? Come on, it’s simple, not all of you think alike and different perspectives on things, broader audiences, so if one reads something, just toss aside, but if all reads, good chance of getting attention. Now back to what the real things I like to release into the world for few (cause who reads?). I want real world things read about, stress, rich, poor, kids, just real life things that need to be talked about! I mean I have so many subjects to write about, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, get mad but hey, I need to write things people want to read.

Ummmmmm…what??? You might want to contact the writer of the previous “query letter” for advice on cannabis for medication.

 

Please hire me! I’m very talented

Remarkable resume. Awesome pitch. Hold your breath while I think about it. 

 

How can I submit my writeups and stuff and what is the criteria for getting published?

Look for the “writeups and stuff” link on our website, and click on it for the criteria. Contact us when you find it.

 

Can I earn from here every week?

It depends. Do you do windows?

 

Hey Angela ! I am (name removed) i am a content writer for a long time . It would be a pleasure for me to write articles for you . I have skill in writing and I would love to write articles for you if

IF?? IF?? If WHAT?? For the love of God, man! Don’t leave us in suspense!

 

I want to propose a writing on the importance of not getting in your own way.

I might consider such an article…but Brian is in my way. 

 

how you settle payments

That is not an issue you need to concern yourself with because you won’t be getting any writing assignments from me.

 

I just need this jop

I had to Google this one. “Jop: The opposite of EOP (English Only Peasant), it refers to someone who has learned Japanese for consuming media in Japanese.” – Urban Dictionary

 

I find great joy and fulfillment in the art of writing. It allows me to express my thoughts, share my knowledge, and explore the vast realms of imagination. Every word I put to paper or type on a screen is infused with passion and dedication. Writing is not just a hobby; it’s a part of who I am. Through my words, I hope to inspire, inform, and connect with readers around the world. Join me on this captivating journey as we explore the power of words and the beauty of storytelling

WOW! How inspiring!! Where do I sign up??  Wait … you’re not selling Amway, are you?

 

How to write article?

With great joy and fulfillment! Just ask the fella above. 

 

I’m a story writer,i want to write story for you and get paid

Once upon a time, there was a story writer who didn’t use proper capitalization or punctuation. He didn’t get paid. The End.

 

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂

RELATED

• We Received the WORLD’S WORST Whiny Comment … and We’re Sharing It With YOU! – by Brian Whiddon
• Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
• AUTHORS: Take Some Advice from a Do-It-Yourselfer… Know What You CAN’T Do Yourself – by Brian Whiddon
• If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
• Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
• More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk

HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT SELF-PUBLISHING A BOOK?

Angela is not only the publisher of WritersWeekly.com. She is President & CEO of BookLocker.com,
a self-publishing services company that has been in business since 1998. Ask her anything.

ASK ANGELA!

 

Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.

About The Author

Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).

Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.

WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.

BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."

Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.

PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!

Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.

Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)

See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.

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https://24hourshortstorycontest.com/

Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE

 

90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy

Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.

We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!

Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor, which makes it fun for creative folks like you!

Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!

 

 

The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication

Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.

https://writersweekly.com/books/4693.html