World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals for August, 2023 – by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor

World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals for August, 2023 – by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor

Yes, it’s time once again to tickle our readers’ funny bones, and ruffle some snowflake feathers! If you want a road map of how to NEVER land a paid writing job, you’ve come to the right place!  Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

Get ready to be shocked and amazed!


I write articles about anything

Really? Anything? Can you start with an article on reading the writer’s guidelines before offering articles on anything?

 

Hello..
Feel glad to found this awesome website to share our openion.Hope I will provide you better service as u Deserve.

HI…
Feel glad you too found us and shared ur openion. But believe we Deserve better service than this.

 

I’d love to write a fun, inspiring article for your site. It will be about how to turn one’s love of video games into a career. Any interest in allowing me to write on that topic for your website? Please let me know.

I’ll get back to you when I’m finished playing my video game.

 

everything is clear for me

Well, that makes sense. The rain is gone.

 

will wrting articals for this website help me in future

Probably not … at least until you learn to spell “writing” and “articles.”

 

Can I get paid for posting articles about flexible side hustles?

Sorry. I’m not very flexible and I’m too old to hustle.

 

An Open Letter to my Parents Regarding my Prescription for Medicinal Cannabis – By (name removed)

I am 46 years old and I have been making my own medical decisions since I was 18. You have elected to kick me out of your lives because of my decision to use cannabis as a medication. I am a grown ass adult and you don’t dictate how I medicate (etc., etc., etc.)…

At 46 years old, either smoke weed or don’t smoke weed. Nobody cares. But, submitting a whiny, 600-word “open letter” to Mommy and Daddy at your age isn’t the way to launch a professional writing career.

 

So, I like to write. Real life things, no fairy tales, or political things. I write from an ADHD perspective so my humor can be dark or down right hilarious. So why did mention all the above names for whom I’m inquiring? Come on, it’s simple, not all of you think alike and different perspectives on things, broader audiences, so if one reads something, just toss aside, but if all reads, good chance of getting attention. Now back to what the real things I like to release into the world for few (cause who reads?). I want real world things read about, stress, rich, poor, kids, just real life things that need to be talked about! I mean I have so many subjects to write about, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, get mad but hey, I need to write things people want to read.

Ummmmmm…what??? You might want to contact the writer of the previous “query letter” for advice on cannabis for medication.

 

Please hire me! I’m very talented

Remarkable resume. Awesome pitch. Hold your breath while I think about it. 

 

How can I submit my writeups and stuff and what is the criteria for getting published?

Look for the “writeups and stuff” link on our website, and click on it for the criteria. Contact us when you find it.

 

Can I earn from here every week?

It depends. Do you do windows?

 

Hey Angela ! I am (name removed) i am a content writer for a long time . It would be a pleasure for me to write articles for you . I have skill in writing and I would love to write articles for you if

IF?? IF?? If WHAT?? For the love of God, man! Don’t leave us in suspense!

 

I want to propose a writing on the importance of not getting in your own way.

I might consider such an article…but Brian is in my way. 

 

how you settle payments

That is not an issue you need to concern yourself with because you won’t be getting any writing assignments from me.

 

I just need this jop

I had to Google this one. “Jop: The opposite of EOP (English Only Peasant), it refers to someone who has learned Japanese for consuming media in Japanese.” – Urban Dictionary

 

I find great joy and fulfillment in the art of writing. It allows me to express my thoughts, share my knowledge, and explore the vast realms of imagination. Every word I put to paper or type on a screen is infused with passion and dedication. Writing is not just a hobby; it’s a part of who I am. Through my words, I hope to inspire, inform, and connect with readers around the world. Join me on this captivating journey as we explore the power of words and the beauty of storytelling

WOW! How inspiring!! Where do I sign up??  Wait … you’re not selling Amway, are you?

 

How to write article?

With great joy and fulfillment! Just ask the fella above. 

 

I’m a story writer,i want to write story for you and get paid

Once upon a time, there was a story writer who didn’t use proper capitalization or punctuation. He didn’t get paid. The End.

 

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂

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3 Responses to "World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals for August, 2023 – by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor"

  1. Chad  August 9, 2023 at 11:07 am

    Great stuff, Brian! Thanks for the article. I could feel your pain as I read thru some of those entries. Ouch!

    On a positive note, I do feel a bit more hopeful for my new freelance copywriting career. Of course, that’s just my ooh pin onion. 🙂

    Be well,
    Chad

  2. Linda Richardson  August 7, 2023 at 2:11 pm

    You are fun-ny, Brian.

  3. Robin Shirley  August 7, 2023 at 2:50 am

    “Join me on this captivating journey as we explore the power of words…” and I show you that I have fallen in love with my own writing.

    P.S. as you can plainly see, I’ve never queried professionally, have no clear idea for an article and most certainly have never been an editor.