It’s that time again!! The non-sensical emails with off topic pitches, badly worded questions, and meaningless statements keep rolling in. Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

We’ve been saving these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, we’ve saved the best for last!

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

Are you ready? ENJOY!

i WILL LIKE TO SUBMIT ARTICLES AND WRITE FOR YOU.
– STOP YELLING AT ME!!

Please reply fast !!!!
– Okay – NOPE!!!

I prepared an artcle. PFB.
Title: Teaching Children About Failure: A Parent’s Guide
INTRODUCTION
Parenting is a rewarding journey filled with opportunities to teach valuable life lessons to our children. One essential lesson is how to handle failure. In this script, we’ll explore a concise guide for parents on teaching children about failure effectively.
ACT 1: THE IMPORTANCE OF TEACHING CHILDREN ABOUT FAILURE…

– I guess your parents never taught you about AVOIDING failure – like not pitching a completely non-relevant “script” about parenting to a WRITING WEBSITE!

i dont know how to work on your website please teach me how to make money and i will appreciate that, iam waiting for your reply and thank you, have a great day.
– We really don’t need you to work on our website. It’s working fine.

Dear [writers weekly] Editorial Team, I hope this massage finds you well. I am writing to express my enthusiasm regarding opportunity to contribute an article to your esteemed magazine’s website. As a dedicated reader and a passionate writer, I strongly believe that my article aligns seamlessly with the values and content preferences of [ writersweekly]. Allow me to present a compelling case for why my article deserve a place on your platform.

– WOW! What a great form letter! You’ve really impressed me with your ability to put words in brackets and email this gobbldygook to a publication without even knowing WHAT the the “values and content preferences” of that publication are!

Hey i had written an article on chat gpt would you like to publish it for me
– Hey. Your version of Chat GPT doesn’t seem to know anything about punctuation, capitalization, or sentence structure. You might want to try another program.

Writing is a fun activity because by writing we can express our feelings and thoughts
– Brought to you by Jack Handy

I really want to right for your site and get paid
– Is that write??

INTERESTED IN THIS OPPORTUNITY HOPE IT IS NOT SCAM
– Oh, it’s no scam! Just send me $200 in Amazon gift cards to find out more. But, hurry. We are only letting a very limited number of qualified investors like YOU to get in on this AMAZING opportunity.

Giving your audience the best articles that are well researched and informative. Taking each steps of the article in order to allow the viewer understand the topic and what the topic entails.
– Reading your email with well deserved dismay and eye rolling. Giggling my head off as I add your pitch to World’s Worst to allow the viewers a hearty guffaw, then joyfully deleting your email from my inbox.

I would like to write for y’all consistently.
– We’ll be in touch once we find a “Y’all” somewhere in the office.

(I can’t even believe we recieved this…)
Hi Angela
What should I put in my book
My mind blank ?
– Are you sure you don’t just want us to write the book for you???

Will this article provide practical strategies and tips to assist readers in increasing their income from their writing endeavors?
– Ummmmm, what article???

How do I start Earning?
– Start working.

May l know the specific categories of article you’re accepting?
– Read the title of our website and I’ll give you three guesses.

where can I get the old box of whitman sampler chocolate. my son in law is complaining about no toffee pieces
– You were actually TRYING to get on “World’s Worst” weren’t you?

I would like to write articles and get paid. I have read your guidelines. How do I go about doing it?
– If you had read our guidelines, you’d know how to go about doing it. It’s in the very first sentence.

I want to work with ypu. Because this is a good website.And i am a gook writter.
– I swear to ALL of you – as God is my witness – I didn’t make this one up!!

I want to buy articles because I can write them
– Whatever you say. Good luck.

Am a freelancer and ready to write an article for you which topic should I tackle please
– How about The Finer Nuances of English Composition?

I want to write about travel destinations , have done dit before and i want to retake this job
– If you’ve done dit before, dit wasn’t for WritersWeekly – because dis ain’t TravelWeekly.

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂

DON’T FORGET THE SPRING, 2023 24-HOUR SHORT STORY CONTEST IS ONLY 2 WEEKS AWAY!

RELATED

• Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
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• Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
• If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
• Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
• More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk

Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.

Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.

About The Author

Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).

Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.

WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.

BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."

Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.

PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!

Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.

Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)

See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.

ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy

BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
https://www.facebook.com/booklockerbooks

ANGELA ON FACEBOOK
https://www.facebook.com/angela.hoy.750

ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
https://www.linkedin.com/in/angelahoy/

Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
https://24hourshortstorycontest.com/

Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE

 

90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy

Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.

We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!

Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor, which makes it fun for creative folks like you!

Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!

 

 

The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication

Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.

https://writersweekly.com/books/4693.html