Again, our most popular column, is hosted today by Angela’s favorite sidekick, our Managing Editor, Brian Whiddon. 

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Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

We’ve been saving these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, we’ve saved the best for last!

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

Are you ready? ENJOY!

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Last I checked, you certainly can! Good luck.
can i have payment by paypal

Man, don’t we all!!
I need money

Perhaps the name of the publication would provide a clue. We obviously don’t cover fitness. 
what niches do you guys focus on the most? My niche is Fitness.

We expect pretty much any writer we publish to know how to spell “write.”
I am willing to wright articles on pretty much any topic you need/want me to.

You’ve got to respect honesty…but NO.
I want to write for you guys so that I can get paid.

We have some content too it contains these funny little marks at the end of sentences called periods they are very useful
I have some content I need to submit I’m really hoping to hear from you, and I hope you will like my content my PayPal email address is…

we don’t want to publish book. we afraid it take too long to edit.
i want to publish book

Just so I understand: You speak poorly … so you feel we are obliged to publish your book which is written poorly?
I don’t want an editor. I know there are lots of mistakes but I want my book in my own voice.

There is so much wrong with this I can’t even come up with a snarky answer.
Kindly help me to do an article writing for writers weekly

Desperation is a smelly cologne.
Please I need this job

One example that comes to mind is how reading multiple emails from people who don’t even bother to research the publication they are pitching makes me want to jump off a bridge, and light myself on fire on the way down.
Please tell me the mental health issues that readers are most interested in today.

We only ask that you do your best to read our guidelines, and actually pitch us a relevant article. 
I hope my articles will be accepted. I will do my best to get a good evaluation from readers and to have a chance to improve my income.

What ambition! What dedication! Only, we never assigned ANY topic for you to work on. Sorry.
I am available to enhance my skills and share my expertise on every single topic you assigned me to work on.

I would if I could…but I can’t so I won’t.
I want you to hire me for writing

WHEW!! Better add a few more years to that class!
Am very interest to write on various topics am a final year student of ENglish Literature please advice on topics, guidelines, etc.

Thou shalt not pitch articles while drunk!
We have good & expert in articles let me know how to submitted the articles with which content writing the articles

We’re sorry. All of our worldly editors are out of the country right now. 
I would like to know if there’s a way I can publish my writings to make them worldly, and earn some money. Please let me know whenever anyone is available.

I think you need a GPS…
I preferably write and share the exact roadmaps and plan of action to pursue your writing and sell digitally as a digital product making a living from it.

It’s the deep, philosophical questions that impress me the most.
How I can get money

Right on, Brother! I’m with you! Where are we going?
I need to travel

Allow our rejection / disapproval to resonate within your understanding, being we are assured of your disregard toward our stipulations, also known as “guidelines.” 
Let my articles/essays be published on your blog being I am confident in our mutual growth, please…

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂

RELATED

• Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
• Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
• Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
• If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
• Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
• More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk

Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.

Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.

About The Author

Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).

Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.

WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.

BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."

Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.

PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!

Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.

Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)

See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.

ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy

BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
https://www.facebook.com/booklockerbooks

ANGELA ON FACEBOOK
https://www.facebook.com/angela.hoy.750

ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
https://www.linkedin.com/in/angelahoy/

Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
https://24hourshortstorycontest.com/

Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE

 

90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy

Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.

We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!

Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor, which makes it fun for creative folks like you!

Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!

 

 

The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication

Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.

https://writersweekly.com/books/4693.html