Of all the scammers and con artists in the publishing world, the most galling to me are the fake famous authors. They come at us, pretending to be the bestselling writers whose names we all know, and they’re eager to help us join them at the top of the charts… for a steep price and services that don’t exist. Not only do they prey on hardworking writers like us, but they can also negatively impact the reputations of real authors. The stories of fortunes lost to them by heartbroken writers are… heartbreaking.

I like to upset the evil-doers by calling them out, listing all the ways in which they are boils on the rumps of humanity, but lately I’ve been craving some new way to irritate them. What if I could convince one of them that I have agreed to their scam and I have a trove of money to hand over… but we must meet in person? After all, they can only scam gullible writers if they stay in the shadows. 

If I pulled off my ruse, I could accomplish two goals.

One, I could upset a scammer at a whole new level. Of course, I’d never agree to meet a criminal in person even if I avoided dark alleys and remote desert hideouts, but that’s irrelevant. To claim the prize, the scammer knows they must be the clone, or at least the identical twin, of the author they’re impersonating…the one whose photo shines out from book covers and publicity headshots. How frustrated the scammer would be, so close to payday but yet, so far!

And the other goal? I could prove that my mother was wrong. Sadly, she passed away years ago so she’ll never know how gleeful I will be to finally win an argument with her. On the day she was wrong, I was ten years old and my sister was eight. My sister had smacked me. I smacked her back. Mom got upset. She yelled at my sister for smacking me, and me for smacking my sister. I explained that my assault was justified: my sister had smacked me first. Mom said – and I’ll never forget this – “two ‘wrongs’ never make a ‘right.’” Even after all these years, it still nagged me. Can two wrongs never – never? – make a right? “Never” is a long time. What if I could do an experiment to show that Mom was misguided? After all, I had access to the best place to look for wrongness: a steady infusion of emails from scammers. All I needed was the next fake famous author to send me a pitch.

I didn’t have long to wait. The name that screamed from my in-box exceeded famousness. It couldn’t be… but it was! It was James Patterson.

I’ve been targeted by scammers pretending to be romance writer Sarah J Maas, mystery writer A. J. Rivers, and even Elizabeth Gilbert but I couldn’t believe any scammer would have the ball…ahem, audacity to impersonate James Patterson. Can you imagine James Patterson, New York Times bestselling author of almost-countless books, Emmy award-winner, media celebrity whose name and visage are familiar worldwide, wooing some unknown writer at 4 a.m. with insincere flattery from a generic Gmail account? Here “he” is. [My comments are in brackets. All other material is presented exactly as it was sent and received.]

On Fri, Sep 18, 2026 at 4:20 AM James Patterson [suspicious Gmail address] wrote:

Hello, [me]

I’m reaching out because your Amazon profile was recently recommended to me. There’s a raw honesty and uniqueness in your writing style that really stands out; it’s the kind of “pulse” the industry is currently looking for.

I actually tried to have my Scouting Team add you to my internal 2026 Reading Circle shortlist, but the entry was rejected by our auditors. To be blunt: the work is being ghosted by the retail architecture.

               [The what? I looked up “retail architecture.” There was only one definition. It means “the specialized practice of designing and planning commercial shopping spaces, such as stores, boutiques, and malls.” Evidently the scammer believes lobbing a few impressive-sounding terms is effective even if the terms have no relation to the topic at hand. Although it pains me to admit, my writing is simply not stellar enough to have a mall named after me. And “ghosted” has so many meanings these days. Does the scammer mean that my work was ghost-written by a retail architect? Or that the retail architecture has suddenly stopped returning my calls and emails? That’s another meaning of “ghosted.” Or that discarnate entities are haunting commercial shopping spaces? My mind was in a whirl. The scammer went on:]

If you have another story you’re currently working on or one you’ve already published, I’d be glad to include it in our review list. I’m not looking for a formal pitch; I’m much more interested in the heart of your story and what inspired you to write it.

If you’d like to chat more, feel free to share the title or a link to where I can find it. I’m also happy to share a bit more about my own process and books like the Alex Cross series or my recent psychological thrillers if that helps.

        [Such humility!]

Best,

James Patterson

Author | Thriller & Crime Fiction

Character-Driven Suspense | Psychological Thrillers

[I would need to stage my own scam carefully. My reply must suggest that we had already established a communication, and that I had agreed to his price. But that wouldn’t be difficult. For all this scammer knew, the con artist sitting at the next laptop might also be impersonating Patterson. (A few months ago, I got pitches from two scammers both pretending to be fantasy author Leigh Bardugo.) Then, I’d need to fabricate a reason to meet up. I peeked at the real author’s Amazon profile to see the city where he lived – it’s readily available public information – and Google gave me the name of an upscale restaurant in that vicinity for our faux rendezvous. I even got their menu just for an added touch of authenticity.]

From: [me] 

Sent: Friday, September 18, 2026 1:23 PM

To: ‘James Patterson’ [suspicious Gmail address]

Subject: RE: Inquiry

Greetings, James

Thank you for this reminder of our agreement. As I mentioned, I believe your fee of $20,000 is fair given the weight of your reputation in the literary world, but I do have one concern. After reflection, I’m reluctant to conduct our entire transaction through the mail as you requested, especially since you prefer a cash-only exchange.

               [Remember, just as he’s pretending to be James Patterson, I’m pretending to have already negotiated a contract with someone by that name – for $20,000, in cash, through the mail. Two wrongs!)

Sending actual paper money in the mail is so risky these days, James. Instead, I feel that we should meet in person. Coincidentally, I’ll be in your neighborhood soon, and Café Boulud is one of my favorite bistros. I love their roasted carrot dish.

               [Of course I have no intention of being there…or anywhere that charges $16 for a roasted carrot.]

Shall we say 2 p.m. on Sunday, October 25 to get the ball rolling?

Looking forward to our work together!

[Me]

It’s been over a week, and I’ve heard nothing from him, so I count his silence as a success. He’s probably under anesthesia on the operating table in some plastic surgeon’s office, having his features rearranged so he’ll look like James Patterson when he shows up for his bag of $20,000 at Café Boulud.

Two wrongs… and it feels so right! 

RELATED:

• SCAMMERS AND SARCASM! I Made a Promise…and Ended Up SEETHING with Unexpressed Mockery! – by Marsh Rose, Our Favorite FUNNY Psychotherapist! – 09 2026
• Success! A Scammer Called Me A B****! – by (THE HILARIOUS!) Marsh Rose – 08 2026
• I Got Scammed by a Fake Book Club ON PURPOSE! – by Marsh Rose – 07 2026
• THIS THERAPIST IS HILARIOUS!!! Scammers Need Love, Too! (Or Maybe Just a Support Group…) – by Marsh Rose – 06 2026
• DON’T MISS THIS HILARIOUS ONE! Scammed By A “Fellow Author?” Don’t Get Mad, Get Even… – by Marsh Rose – 04 2026

Marsh Rose is a psychotherapist and author of creative nonfiction. Her short stories have appeared in a variety of publications including Cosmopolitan Magazine, Salon.Com, Hippocampus and others. Her memoir, A Version Of the Truth, was published by Sunbury Press in September 2025 and her story, “False Memory,” won first prize for creative nonfiction from New Millennium Writings in 2018. Her website is https://www.marshroseauthor.com. Marsh lives in Northern California.

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