Check out the WritersWeekly Podcast Episode 4, which is on this same hilarious topic! And, find out how to get free copies of two of Angela’s books, Query Letters That Worked and Book Proposals That Worked!

It’s that time again!! The non-sensical emails with off topic pitches, badly worded questions, and meaningless statements keep rolling in. Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.

We’ve been saving these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, we’ve saved the best for last!

Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.

Are you ready? ENJOY!

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Nice to e-meet you! I am a freelance journalist based in Georgia, United States. My work has been featured in multiple publications, most notably in Her Campus and Essence Girls United, and I am interested in writing for WritersWeekly. My specific beats are wellness, entertainment and lifestyle. I also have experience covering breaking news and evergreen stories, as well as profile stories and interviews.

Oh, boy! Another foreign scammer! You are NOT from “Georgia, United States.” Nobody in Georgia, or even in the United States, writes it that way. You’re lying about Georgia being your location (because we are in Georgia), thinking you can ingratiate yourself to us, hoping that will make us hire you. Nice try. I’m surprised you also didn’t say your name was Angela, and that you have a big dog named Tank. You also CLEARLY know NOTHING about our publication, and you have never read our guidelines. 

Editor’s note: We are being bombarded by query letters from overseas scammers daily now! Of course, we never respond. But, what’s in it for them? Read this:

“I own a publication, and I was scammed out of $180 by a writer.”

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For Story or article publication.

Um, what? Is there a story? Is there an article? Where are they???

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I just wanted to follow up on my previous email about the link suggestion I shared.

This is a common scam. A “company” sends us a link to one of our articles. In the article, we have a link to a helpful resource for our readers. The scammer wants us to replace that link with one leading to their scam service. They swear it’s far better than the helpful resource we already provided to our readers. They very stupidly assume that I fell off the turnip truck yesterday. I don’t bother to click on those links to their scam sites, because many of them can lead to malware infecting a computer. 

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I have many Author backstories also book inspirational backstories to write if permitted

You’re really not up with the times, are you? We stopped publishing backstories long ago. We now publish New Releases for our BookLocker authors’ books..at no charge to them, of course! Oh, and it appears all of the punctuation keys on your keyboard are broken. You need to call the computer repair guy!

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I WOULD LOVE TO BE AN WRITER!

If anybody can tell me what “an writer” is, please click on the comments link below and educate me! 

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Please i want more details that which type of writing topics i can share so it can not cause any disruptions

Any disruptions…to what? You’re schedule? You know what’s disruptive? When so-called “writers” (that does not describe you) click on our website to contact me without bothering to read our writer’s guidelines. You know what else is disruptive? Your lack of correct capitalization and punctuation!

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How much money can I earn per article?

If you can’t be bothered to read our writer’s guidelines, I can’t be bothered to respond to your email. 

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I would like to submit a feature on unique assignment.

Oooooh! A unique assignment! About what?? That sounds so intriguing! BUT, WAIT! We haven’t “assigned” a feature article to you…ever! 

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I already read the writers guidelines, I am deciding to write articles in your respective website at writers weekly

LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!!!! You didn’t read anything on our site!

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I have a few good stories in me. What kind of storys do you except? I heard about you from a friend. Found the email and decided to hit ya up!

If you can’t spell “stories” and “accept” correctly, you should be looking for another line of work. By the way, I’m very happily married. You sound far too young to “hit me up.” GROSS!!! 

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When you are ready what’s the focus on?

Excuse me? I’ve never corresponded with you. EVER. Nice try trying to trick me into thinking I assigned an article to you. I’ve seen this trick many times before. You’ve been blacklisted.  

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I’m a student in Nigeria but a citizen of Pakistan, I’m just trying to get some money for personal expenses without overly complicated tasks. I do have a hobby of writing stories. I really look forward to working with you.

Nigeria and Pakistan are the scam capitals of the world. And, this is one of the most unprofessional “query letters” I’ve ever received. Keep your personal problems out of your business communications!

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Hi Mrs.Angela , I was told I need to write a book, but I know nothing about writing n the balance of good n bad,lol. Before my extended family like a step dad.. said you need write a book ,you can’t make this stuff up..but it’s so much I usually just tell stories n folks are amazed .I’ve gone thru n experience more than 500 folks could .

Buddy, you need to hire a ghostwriter. And, never, EVER use cellphone shorthand when corresponding with publishers!

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This email arrived WEEKS after we last heard from our favorite Nigerian scammer:

I am still trying to get Payoneer set up but what u want me write next?

Oh, Icky Chuk You…you Nigerian scammer, you! You continue to make us howl! I haven’t assigned any new articles to you (nor will I ever!!).

Folks, listen to our MOST HILARIOUS PODCAST EPISODE EVER to laugh yourself silly at Icky Chuk You’s hijinx! (And, learn how we scam-baited this scammer, and got his Facebook account AND his bank account shut down! 

EPISODE 38: We Scambaited a Nigerian Scammer and HILARITY ENSUED!!!

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See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.

Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂

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• Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
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Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.