Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.
We’ve been savings these for a few weeks now so there are a LOT to entertain you! As always, I’ve saved the best for last!
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.
Are you ready? ENJOY!
HELLO. IF YOU’D READ OUR GUIDELINES, YOU’D HAVE KNOWN THAT WE DON’T PUBLISH ARTICLES ABOUT ANY OF THOSE TOPICS!
Hello, I work on various articles: health, food, sports, travel, etc. If you need any to write your articles contact me
CLEARLY YOU DON’T VALUE THE IMPORTANCE OF TIME, OR YOU WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY OFFERED UP A TOPIC PITCH, AND NOT WASTED OUR TIME TELLING US HOW DEDICATED YOU ARE.
I am a person who loves language and literature and this is the reason I took up content creation as my career. I have got my content published in a couple of anthology books and magazines. I am very hardworking and dedicated, I make sure that whatever I have been given I do it to the best of my capability. I value the importance of time.
WE’D BE FAR MORE “OKAY” IF YOU LEARNED PROPER CAPITALIZATION AND PUNCTUATION, AND IF YOU’D MADE JUST A TEENSY-WEENSY BIT OF EFFORT TO FIND OUT WHAT OUR PUBLICATION IS ABOUT.
Hi , Greetings ! I would like to write an article on the subject “Infertility-A slow poison!”.
Would you be okay if i write on the above subject under category “Feature article”
Looking forward to your support.
WHY DO I SUDDENLY FEEL LIKE I NEED A SHOWER?
I am passion in writing .
OH, NUTS! YOU WERE CLOSE BUT WE’RE LOOKING FOR GOOD WRITERS!
Iam a good worker
THAT’S FUNNY. HAVING NEVER WORKED A DAY FOR OUR COMPANY, HOW COULD YOU KNOW WHAT OUR “NORMS” ARE?
During this time I have worked for may companies and I have demonstrated that I am fully capable of fulfilling the expectations of your norms.
AND, WE WISH US GOOD LUCK IN OUR ENDEAVORS…
I want to write for us
YOU CLEARLY HAVEN’T BOTHERED TO READ SO MUCH AS OUR HOME PAGE, MUCH LESS “EACH AND EVERY CONTENTS.” BUT, HEY, WE COULD SURE USE SOMEONE TO CLEAR THIS DARNED PAPER JAM IN OUR PRINTER!
I have seen your website. I have read each and every contents of your website and I really like the quality of all those contents, so I like to send you some high-quality contents for your website, which will help to increase more traffic of your website. The content topics will be on- How to refill an inkjet printer cartridge, Best laser printer recommendation for home and office, How to connect printer to a wireless router(solved), Fix paper jam issue of a printer, How much does an electrician makes, what plumbing service can fix water heater issue, etc.
NO PROBLEM. APPLICATIONS ARE AVAILABLE ON THE TENTH FLOOR, RIGHT NEXT TO THE SWIMMING POOL AND OYSTER BAR.
I want to apply for articles on market secret
STEP 1: CLICK ON “WRITE FOR US”
STEP 2: FOLLOW THE ****ING INSTRUCTIONS!
How to write marketing article In write for us
5 years experience
..BUT DEFINITELY NOT HERE.
Definetly my article will make money .
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN – THE GREAT JOHN NASH!!
I have written the article about my own concept of marketting
SOMETIMES WE JUST WANT TO SHOOT OURSELVES…
Writer: my article is all about business strategy
Our Managing Editor: MY article is all about reading instructions before offering an article to an editor. Please read it.
Writer: Yes, I am interested.
I’M ALREADY MIDDLE AGED AND I DON’T NEED YOU TO WRITE ABOUT IT FOR ME.
I want to write about Greek history or middle age
IF I “REPLAY” THIS, IT’S JUST GOING TO GIVE ME A PSYCHOTIC HEADACHE.
I am a writer and my main is a suspense thriller story, What topic should we article about and what topics should we be writing about?please replay
GREAT! CAN’T WAIT TO RECEIVE A QUERY LETTER FROM YOU SOME DAY!
I would like to write for you.
ANOTHER ONE THAT MADE US WANT TO JUMP OFF A CLIFF AFTER SETTING OURSELVES ON FIRE…
The author submitted a 3-page article on digital marketing to be published as a book. We told him we only publish full-length books at BookLocker. We don’t publish articles.
Reply from the Author:
Ok, You can Publish full-length books and Proceed. Due to this Lock down period, I can’t invest single dollar. Expect your good reply.
What about my benefits?. .
JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS, KIDS.
and i need permanent post on your site with 2 do follow links and i give you many orders and make business with you so please tell me sponsor post price of your site
TITLE OF OUR REPLY: REJECTED – BUT CAN YOU COME PLUNGE OUR TOILET?
Title of article submitted on spec:
Basic Safety Tips for Plumbing
HOW TO GET YOUR MANUSCRIPT REJECTED IN TWO EASY STEPS:
An author sent us all of his information, but not his manuscript. Angela sent him an email telling him how to do that.
I’m aware of this. I’m still thinking this over. Chill out.
When he does submit his manuscript, it will be rejected, with a reference to the page on our website that clearly states we don’t work with jerks.
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.
Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 🙂
- Because We Refuse to Buy Bad Articles, Now We’re RACISTS?! by Brian Whiddon, Managing Editor
- Wanna Get Paying Work? An Editor’s Open Letter to New Writers Who Don’t Yet Know What the (Bleep) They’re Doing
- Copies of real query letters that resulted in writing assignments worth $2K and much more!
- If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
- Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
- More opinionated articles from Angela’s Desk
Have questions about Writing, Print On Demand, or Self-publishing? Ask Angela.
Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.
About The Author
Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).
Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.
WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.
BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."
Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.
PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!
Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.
Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)
See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.
ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy
BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
ANGELA ON FACEBOOK
ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE
90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy
Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.
We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts
and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!
Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor,
which makes it fun for creative folks like you!
Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!
How Many Copies Of Your Book Would You Have To Sell In Order To Break Even?
The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication
Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.