Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, I’m going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters. Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks.
Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. See if you can recognize the theme of errors below.
I WOULD NEVER HIRE A WRITER WHO SPELLS “GUYS” LIKE A TEENAGER! AND, HE CLEARLY DIDN’T READ OUR GUIDELINES.
I want to write articles for your company. Give me any title or idea and i will write a article for you guyz.
I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF. I LAUGHED OUT LOUD AT THIS ONE.
What skills to write an article? Anyone can write an article. Of course we must not make a spelling error with the word, but everyone has already written essays at school, and there it looks great.
NOT ONLY DID HE “WROTE” THIS ARTICLE BY HIMSELF, BUT IT WAS ABOUT OCEANS.
I have an article entirely wrote by me for your website.
EITHER HER KEYBOARD IS BROKEN OR SHE’S A TERRIBLY SLOPPY TYPIST.
I would like to apply for a position as one of your writers .How do i go about that I love writing articles.Thank you in advance
JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN THINK AND TYPE DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN WRITE. AND, WHY MENTION DYING? THIS WAS ODD AND UNPROFESSIONAL.
I am a writer. I think, I type, I die. I would love to send you some pieces, and maybe get published. How can we do that?
you say you dont except poems
do you except sayings
IF ENGLISH ISN’T YOUR PRIMARY LANGUAGE, READ THIS BEFORE QUERYING ENGLISH-LANGUAGE PUBLICATIONS.
Hi my name is (removed) and I live outside of US, I want to write articles for your website, people keep telling me that I have a great writing style, hope to get a respond from you soon.
DITTO THE ONE ABOVE.
Hi, i’m highly motivated to write anything you say, if you want ti check me please give me a chance…I have experience at my country, thank you.
THE SALUTATION IS IMPERSONAL, THE WRITING IS VERY CHOPPY, AND YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER OFFER TO WRITE FOR FREE. THAT’S A CLASSIC SIGN OF AN AMATEUR. IF YOU WANT TO BE CONSIDERED A PROFESSIONAL, EXPECT PAYMENT FOR YOUR SERVICES.
I’m writing to tell you that I’m very interested about this kind of job. I always want to write everything. I can write for companies, markets, other business…
I hope that you will accept my work request and I will start working. At least as a volunteer at the beginning.
WHY WOULD A WRITING PUBLICATION BUY THIS ARTICLE?!
Please find attached an entrusting and motivational article about volunteering in National Parks.
PLEASE DON’T DRINK AND QUERY!
Hi, so this is my petension of writting to your site. I already have experience in writting as a freelancer to a travel website, articles for local magazines in my town. So i think o could help the starters that just like me felt a littke kost in the beggining of everythin and encourage them to follow the dream of gain the kife as a writer. Hope you cosider it! Best Regars.
…AND AVOID RECREATIONAL DRUGS WHEN QUERYING, TOO!
Hi, Angella! I would like to start th e following month with writing the articles only accoding to the theme you send me. I may change he direction of writinaccording to your preferance, the amount of articles wil be the same – 60items per one letter will be nly 8-9 articles. I would lie to now whether tere is some paymen fr the passes may i know about it. As fars as it si considred over here you pa directly, there is no points there yet
with deep respect
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters HERE.
If This Article Offends You, You’re Not a Professional Writer
When Freelance Writers are Toxic, Unstable, and Abusive to Editors
Trying To “Trick” Editors Can (And Will) Backfire
QUERY LETTERS THAT WORKED! Real Queries That Landed $2K+ Writing Assignments
BOOK PROPOSALS THAT WORKED! Real Book Proposals That Landed $10K – $100K Publishing Contracts
Can’t Afford An Editor? Try These Four Fun Steps For A Much Cleaner Manuscript!
Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.
About The Author
Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).
Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.
WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.
BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."
Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.
PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!
Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.
Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)
See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.
ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy
BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
ANGELA ON FACEBOOK
ANGELA ON LINKEDIN
Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE
90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book's Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy
Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it - a lot more.
We know what you're thinking. You're an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts and we're going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online...and almost all of our techniques are FREE!
Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor, which makes it fun for creative folks like you!
Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90...and beyond!
I dunno wy you don lak them qwerys LOL
– Margaret Tessler, author
A disturbing web of blackmail and deceit is untangled.
Black Widow White Lies
A disturbing encounter turns a peaceful vacation upside-down.
Sharon must clear a nephew suspected in murder of conniving woman.
Plans for a happy class reunion turn chaotic.
I have a feeling most of these people are located outside the U.S. and/or not-native English speakers (at least I hope so). A few years ago, it was actually possible to make money as a writer with little to no English language skills simply by gaming the search engines. No longer–which is great news for those of us who actually can write in coherent sentences.
My vote is for ‘Mr. Recreational Drugs”.
Best one of this group.
– Wendy Jones, author
Highlander Imagine: Beyond Infinity
Duncan MacLeod must fight a South American Immortal at Teotihuacan.
An Abuzz Press production!
I would argue that many of these queries are unusual and not the norm. Unfortunately, I fear I would be wrong. Like Lori above, reading those queries makes me feel like there’s a possibility someone may actually like my writing. On the down side, there are teachers out there hanging their heads knowing students such as these are out there trying to become professional writers. Thanks for sharing these.
I bet people send these ‘queries’ ti see if they’ll make the next World’s Worst list. I can’t imagine anyone actually ‘writing’ like this. Yikes!
Thank you for sharing these Worst Queries.
Truly they are fodder stoking the engines of those of us who ARE working seriously on becoming better writers.
I’m curious what percentage of queries you receive are of this poor quality?
When I read these it just boosts my confidence. I think – If these people are making $ writing then I am doing well and may be a prize winning author just waiting to happen. Ha!
Thanks for sharing them. Great Sunday morning reading material.