Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, I’m going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters. Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks.
Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. See if you can recognize a theme in the first few below…
UM, NO, WE DON’T, BECAUSE WE’RE A PUBLICATION FOR WRITERS
Do you guys accept articles on sports?
WHAT’S THE #1 GOLDEN RULE OF QUERYING? STUDY THE MARKET! WHAT’S THE #2 GOLDEN RULE? EDIT BEFORE CLICKING SEND!
On what all Topics Can i Write my article?
RESEARCH THE MARKET! RESEARCH THE MARKET! RESEARCH THE MARKET!
This a small article written by me.
(What followed was a poem about children’s birthday parties.)
ANOTHER ONE WHO FAILED TO, YOU GUESS IT, RESEARCH THE MARKET!
I have attached my first article.
(He submitted an email attachment – which is against our guidelines – and the article was about elliptical machines.)
AND, ANOTHER PERSON WHO WASTED MY TIME AND THEIRS BY FAILING TO RESEARCH THE MARKET! ARRRRGH!!!
I am (name removed), an aspiring writer in the Philippines.
(She sent an attachment unsolicited…and the article was titled “You deserve to be with the right man.”)
WASH, RINSE, REPEAT…
I am sure that I can write simple as well as mind blowing facts about celebrities, movies, sports entertainment…
How can I know? My article is approved or not? If yes then How I will get payment. ? My article is on hypersexualization…
I’M GETTING MORE NON-WRITING-RELATED QUERIES THIS WEEK THAN ANYTHING ELSE!!
My articles will be based on topics relating disability, poverty, growing yourself, etc.
PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!
I am freelance writer i want to connect with you. I am sending you my article on (a petroleum company) on how it can still be a good investment for the people who have its holding right now.
OKAY, THIS IS NO LONGER FUNNY…
Article title: Effect of Black holes on Earth.
FINALLY! SOMETHING ELSE. BUT…WHAT? IS THIS SOME WEIRD (WORTHLESS!) COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT PREVENTION METHOD I HAVEN’T HEARD ABOUT??
Hi Angie? Please publish for me this paper to avoid any other scholar from using it.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THIS…
hi…I wanted to apply as a writer here..this is my number : [removed]..God bless and more pOwer!
TEAM MATES? HUH?? IT’S UNFORTUNATE NONE OF THEM KNOW HOW TO EDIT…
I am Full time Article Writing Freelancer and i have good Team mates so i interested to Writing Articles for your Company
POORLY WRITTEN AND HE DIDN’T EVEN BOTHER TO CLICK ON THE GUIDELINES LINK AT THE TOP OF OUR WEBSITE
Hello I would like to get paid on writing articles for you. Do you have any topics for me to write about? I can guarantee you with high quality writing.
EDITORS CAN OFTEN DETERMINE SOMEONE’S WRITING SKILLS, OR LACK THEREOF, FROM READING JUST TWO SENTENCES
I am interested to work with you people. You can check my skills if am fit for your website.
THE FIRST TWO SENTENCES OF AN ARTICLE SUBMITTED ON SPEC
I think that the writer have to master many internet tools which increase swiftly day by day. In result, there become some concepts related to the online writting jobs, which would be cleared the most possible we can do…
Subject line of the email:
I am interested to write a article for you
Hi I wont To Work from Writing Articles You Acccept Me yes Or no And I Go To taKe 50 from 1Articles Ok And Thanke you Very Much
SEXIST MUCH? AFTER I REJECTED A BOOK, THE AUTHOR ACCUSED ME OF NOT READING ANY OF IT, AND THEN HE WROTE:
Do you have a male reader there by chance you could show it to?
THIS ONE CRACKED ME UP!!
The last paragraph of an article submitted on spec:
I recommend everyone to join this field and enjoy it; as it involves self satisfaction, which is a worthless award to achieve.
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters HERE.
Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.
About The Author
Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).
Angela lives on a 52' Irwin Center Cockpit Ketch (sailboat) with her family and pets. Keep up with her family's adventurous liveaboard lifestyle at GotNoTanLines.com
WritersWeekly.com - the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.
BookLocker.com - According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: "As close to perfection as you're going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I've ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can't go wrong here. Plus, they're selective and won't publish any manuscript just because it's accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors' books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know."
Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.
PubPreppers.com - "We Prep, You Publish!" Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!
Angela's POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.
Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers "disgruntled author discounts" to those who want to move from other POD services.)
See BookLocker's publishing packages HERE.
ANGELA ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy
BOOKLOCKER ON FACEBOOK - Provides links to free excerpts!
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Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
Read More Of Angela's Articles HERE