So here I was at the age of thirty five, single, childless and depressed. For so long I thought these things would make my life complete. I told myself life would be perfect once I found a husband and baby.
So like any other woman in my situation would do, I packed my bags and booked a ticket to India in an attempt to do some soul-searching. Traveling to the other side of the world was a logical choice. I was in serious need of enlightenment.
When I hopped on the tour bus all I could hear was noise. So I sat quietly listening to my own thoughts. Although I was surrounded by people I felt alone. I desperately wanted to have a child to love and nurture.
The following day after breakfast our schedule included visiting an orphanage close by. To prepare us the tour guides told us that many of the parents of the orphans had died leaving the children to fend for themselves on the streets.
On arrival I was drawn to one girl in particular. She had a heart-shaped face and big, dark brown eyes. She looked at me with compassion, as though she understood my pain. I knelt down to greet her as she stretched out her arms for a hug, and embraced her tightly as she sat on my lap. I felt an overwhelming tenderness for this child.
It finally became clear that it wasn’t necessary for me to produce a child to express love and concern. It no longer mattered who I gave my love to, as long as it filled a need for someone, whether that child came from my womb or someone else’s. No longer did I define myself as childless, but child full.
With this new awakening I put pen to paper and stated writing my experiences down in my journal, savoring every moment of this significant experience. When I arrived home I felt impressed to share my story and give hope to those who may be struggling with the same issue.
One magazine said it would a good fit for their mother’s day issue and published it in their May issue. With this initial success I sent it to another publication which published it as a reprint and after that I reworked it for another publication which will publish it early next year.
I learned that writing about emotional experiences can be therapeutic and also a great way to connect with people on a personal level.
Julie Guirgis is a freelance writer residing in Sydney, Australia. Her writing has appeared in several publications including Transition, Majellan, Madonna, Eureka St, The Nathaniel Report, Signs of the Times, Adventist Review, Significant Living, Caring Times, Vibrant Life, Alive Now, Now What?, Insight, Guide, The Aquarian, The Edge, Creation Illustrated, Kaleidoscope, Insights, Witty Bitches, Author’s Publish Magazine, Coffeehouse for Writers, Writer’s Weekly, and has upcoming work in Compass, Woman Alive, Spotlight on Recovery, The Narcissist’s Playbook Anthology and Unity.
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