World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For December, 2016!

World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For December, 2016!
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Oh, yes! We know you’re excited!! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters.
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks.

Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!

In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines. See if you recognize the themes below.

Punctuation, capitalization and even formatting are VERY important when applying for writing jobs!

Introducing myself I am (name removed) i am very interested in Writing jobs . I ready to submit articles . Kindly give me the opportunity

A post about what precisely?

I want to publish post in your blog.

The answers to your questions are in the guidelines link above the box in which you posted your message to us. It’s in a huge, red, bold font. Not sure how you missed it?

How do I send articles to you and how are you going to send money?

Great! But, how about working on a good query letter first? And, use correct capitalization and punctuation, of course.

i would like to work on an article with all my effort

Um, what???

I am studying business management in Japan ,I have a deep interest in writing ,the reason behind this is I always have so many thoughts and things going around in my mind some people praised me for my thinking and some thought I am just weird as I share my thoughts with them .but i am absolutely ok with it this is how learn and can improvise. 

We don’t publish articles on any of these topics!

Hello I am (name removed).I have good knowledge about writing as a freelancer.I would give more priority to stories about love,life,children and abstract.Hope to get a positive response
Thank you

I had to chuckle when I read this one.

Subject line of the email:
developping my writing

Can you imagine walking into a job interview and asking these two questions first?

How much money do you pay for word ? when do i get paid ?

Why would a publication about writing and publishing be interested in an article on this topic?

And recently there was a big problem in the song community where people couldn’t unblock their D2302 device. I googled and seen many methods online and people actually made it difficult for the reader to understand what to do, so I wanted to make an article that easily explains them what to actually do.

Ditto!

I have personal experience to share it with you .
Its all about me and my family . when we encountered with paranormal activities and exorcism situations .in our home . But its True story . but it can’t be explained in one article .

Ditto again. And, if your website is having problems, don’t advertise the fact. Simply don’t provide your URL.

Also I published trips on Tripoto and got Good Views from People
I’m Seriously interested
Hoping for a positive response
Also, am running my own traveling site but its under maintenance due to some issues.

I’m not aware that any of our readers has ever vacationed in Iran (nor would many of them want to!) and, again, how is this related to writing and publishing? 

I`m really interested in writing especially about tourist attractions in Iran. 

I think he just…proposed to me??

I want to learn your guidelines so that I can join myself with you.

Hint: When contacting a publication that publishes in a different language –
1. Do not force them to use translate.google.com.
2. Use a good translation program and do it yourself. Approach them in their native language, not yours.
3. Ask a friend who speaks that language well to check your translation before you send the query because almost every translation will have errors that make your query appear choppy (bad syntax). 

Olá quero escrever artigos para o blog, para ser remunerado.

(Translates to:
Hello I want to write articles for the blog, to be paid.

This is a two sentence “query” that tells me nothing at all about the writer, their experience, or their article idea. Why would I offer them writing work based on this query? We receive these types of micro queries all the time. They are instantly deleted. If the writer can’t be bothered to learn about our publication, and query us correctly, I can’t be bothered to respond. 

This seems like a really good opportunity, I appreciate any offers made.

The answer is easy. Click on the guidelines link at the top of the form you used to send me this message. 

I wish to know what it takes to partner with you by writing.

Ditto. Also, the capital key is apparently broken on your keyboard and what the heck is a “rocker?” 

how can i write for u people to get paid .no instructions are given here neither any login rocker nor anything so that i can write here. don’t know how to interact with you people regarding the above.

Okay….and your experience and specialties are what?

I can work by writing article

We saved the best for last! It looks like we got a query from Yoda!

I am writer freelance makes four years and half. I am in full capacity of show all it said up to here. I very quickly write, without the dminishing quality, of course.

See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters HERE: http://writersweekly.com/angela-desk/worlds-worst-query-letters-and-book-proposals-for-november-2016

 

8 Responses to "World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals For December, 2016!"

  1. Erwin  January 2, 2017 at 9:02 pm

    I liked the one where he “proposed”. Lol

    Reply
  2. Marilyn  January 1, 2017 at 6:27 pm

    Bless your heart. I admire your patience.

    Reply
  3. Johnny Townsend  January 1, 2017 at 3:28 pm

    While I was temping as a receptionist in an office dedicated to promoting women’s rights, a man came in and asked, “Do you have tips on how to be a good translator?” I just thought, “What was it about our Rosie the Riveter poster in the window that made you think we specialized in translation?” It took me a moment even to find the words to respond. It sounds like you get more than your share of poorly directed desperation.

    Reply
  4. pamelaallegretto  December 31, 2016 at 11:38 am

    Great compilation of wacky letters that are an appropriate way to end a wacky year! Happy New Year!

    Reply
  5. Mother of Crows  December 31, 2016 at 5:36 am

    Reading these gave me a headache. You have my sympathy.

    Reply
  6. maxitoutwriter  December 30, 2016 at 7:59 pm

    A celebrity appearance from Yoda! Holy smokes! Star Wars meets Writers Weekly. I always knew Yoda was a deep kind of guy, but I never knew he put ink to paper. Marvelous!

    Reply
  7. tigerlilly  December 30, 2016 at 5:33 pm

    I have to wonder if these individuals ever read what they’re sending.

    Reply
  8. mctag2015  December 30, 2016 at 12:31 pm

    This installment is still a favorite of mine – and no doubt thousands/millions of others. I normally don’t enjoy laughing at another’s expense,but…for these I make an exception.

    Reply

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